My two-cents worth and then some. An online journal by LP Brown.

Reminiscing About My Mom and Mother’s Day

by on ·Nostalgia

I always thought my mother was a beautiful black woman. Need I say that I use black relevant to her racial group, not her complexion, which was the color of coffee with cream.

Mother had beautiful teeth. Until the day she died, she had all of her natural pearly whites, minus one molar, and it was hardly noticeable in the back of her mouth. Still, she felt self-conscious and often told me she wished she had not told the dentist to pull that tooth years earlier. I don’t know why he didn’t fill it or do a root canal. From our conversations, I know that mother was strongly opposed to root canals, so if her dentist had told her that having one was the only option for saving her tooth, she likely would have refused.

Mother’s hair was her crowning glory, and she always took pride in it. Before age began to thin it, she had a beautiful thick, ebony-colored mane.

As much as I longed for hair like hers, I mostly envied her long, natural fingernails. She didn’t wear nail hardener or polish, yet she managed to grow lengthy attractive nails. When I’d ask her how she managed to have nails like that when mine rarely extended beyond my fingertips, she’d say, “I don’t know. They’ve always grown like that.”

Even beyond her middle-aged years, after birthing four children and being blessed with six grandchildren and some great grands, mother’s slender frame, high cheekbones, and piercing brown eyes still turned heads.

Decades ago, before her faith became the focus of her life and curtailed our occasional outings, mother and I would go places together, like shopping or to a movie, and we’d often be mistaken for sisters. One humid summer day, after an outing, seeking refuge from the heat, we grabbed a taxi back to her house and were glad to get one with air-conditioning. After we settled in, the driver looking admiringly at mom in the rear-view mirror, said, “Is the AC too cool for you and your sister?” Mother and I looked at each other and smiled before she replied, “It feels fine, and she’s my daughter, not my sister.” That led the gray-haired gentleman, who looked about 75, to display a wide gap-tooth grin and then start the black don’t crack conversation.

Unlike some of her sisters who went to college, my mother had only high school education, yet she was an intelligent, resourceful woman, a doting mother, and a good wife to my dad. She was also very generous, especially for her children, but otherwise shrewd with money. She could pinch a penny until it turned white.

Mom also had a green thumb. I think my siblings and I inherited our love for houseplants from my mom. When I was a youngster mother had plenty of potted plants lining the windowsill in the living room. My favorite was the beautiful purple passion. She also had a tall, resilient snake plant that sat in a large pot on the floor beside the armchair.

If mom ever had a mission, it was maintaining a clean house, and she insisted that her other three rambunctious children and I help keep it tidy.

Although she was a full-time homemaker when we children grew old enough to be somewhat responsible, mom started doing part-time what was called days’ work. And at one point, she worked as a cashier at Drug Fair on upper Connecticut Avenue.

I remember mom telling me many times about leaving that drugstore one evening during a fierce snowstorm. There were already inches of the white stuff on the ground when she walked outside. She said she waited at the bus stop forever for the DC Transit bus (renamed Metro in the 1970s) to arrive and bring her back across town. Never in her life, she said, had she ever been as cold. She thought she would freeze to death before the bus finally arrived. Dad was at home babysitting us four children. Our family didn’t have a car at the time, and even if dad had tried to drive through the storm with us kids, it would have been a dangerous undertaking.

As good mothers tend to do, our mother made sacrifices for her children; some were small, some were large, and occasionally she tried to do the impossible, like one Easter Sunday when I was around 8 or 9 years old. Mom was hot-combing my hair and getting us kids ready to go to Sunday School. After straightening my hair, as she was preparing to give me some curls, I began pleading with her, “Mom, make me Shirley Temple curls? Pleeease!”

My mother knew – but I refused to believe – that it would take an Easter miracle for her to transform my short, thin, kinky naps into golden coils like Shirley Temples.

Before she began curling, mother explained that my hair was too short for curls like that. It was only about three inches in length; it was not long enough, but it also wasn’t thick enough, and of course, the texture, well, you know. But in my naïve mind, my mother could do anything. Since I refused to hear what she was saying and kept whining that I wanted Shirley Temple curls, mother made an effort.

Slathering on Royal Crown Hair Dressing and using a stovetop burner to heat the curling iron, mother began parting my hair and creating skinny curls about the thickness and half the length of small link sausages. When she finished, I rushed to look in the bathroom mirror and then dropped my smile.

Mother had laid down some neat and pretty black curls sideways on my head, but it looked nothing like Shirley Temples. Despite shaking my head hard enough to rattle my brain and give myself a concussion, I was even more disturbed that my short, stiff curls remained immobile. They would not shake or bounce like little miss curly top’s golden, voluminous tresses.

Over the years, mother and I often laughed about my Shirley Temple Easter wish.

That was decades before TV programs featured any little black girls. (Even Buckwheat, on The Little Rascals, was a boy playing a girl.) There were undoubtedly no girls like Lyric Ross (who plays Deja on This is Us) who debuted on the program proudly and boldly wearing a short afro and inspiring black girls in their formative years to embrace their natural hair.

Over the years, Scrabble became my mother and my favorite pastime. Both of us were, and I remain, fiercely competitive. Sometimes on the weekend, we would stay up past midnight battling it out on the Scrabble board. How I miss those times. How I miss my mom. So many memories. Not enough pages or time to write about all of them.

To my readers whose mother, like mine, has passed on, treasure your memories with her.

And to all of you who are moms yourself, Happy Mother’s Day!

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My Circle of Friends is Shrinking

by on ·Aging, Friends and Lovers, Friendships

A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden. – Anonymous

 

My circle of friends is shrinking. I know I’m not alone. The same thing is happening to other folks in my age group. Nevertheless, I miss my friends.

Despite being extremely shy and introverted when I was a child, I was fortunate enough to acquire a few lifelong friends. My bond with former playmates and teenage pals persisted throughout our school years, after graduation, in early adulthood, into middle age, and in some instances, continues in our senior years. In those early days, we played together, partied together, and occasionally some of us worshiped together at the same church. Of course, sometimes it isn’t easy to maintain a friendship without frequent contact or interaction, but true friendships stand the test of time.

As we mature and our lifestyles and priorities change, we become more selective about who we consider our friends. Two decades ago, sites like Facebook, Friendster, and Twitter, came on the scene and expanded the word’s meaning; now, nearly anyone who lands on our social media page is called a friend. Despite the superficiality, I have formed some genuine friendships on social media.

I read where researchers say that we make nearly 400 friendships in a lifetime, but only about half a dozen will last. However, another study states that if a friendship lasts longer than seven years, it will likely last a lifetime. While I still feel blessed to have some lifelong friends, I’ve lost some of them through one circumstance or another.

Sometimes when I am relaxing in my recliner, I think about some of my longtime friends.

There was that warm Saturday afternoon in the summer of ’77 when Marcie and I were sitting on my living room sofa sipping beer (yes, I dabbled a bit back then). Forty-fives were spinning on the stereo, and I was consoling my despondent friend over the pending breakup of her marriage. (My own marriage had gone kaput five years earlier.) When Melba Moore began singing her hit Lean on Me, we pumped up the volume, oblivious to the neighbors. Near the end of that song, just before Melba belts out, “I’m gonna … make it, make it, make it, make it if you lean on me,” Marcie jumps up from her seat, throws her head and arms back, and mimicking Melba hits and holds that unforgettable high note that lasts for over 20 seconds. Marcie could sing as well as any professional songstress. It has been over ten years since my contact with Marcie, but that day when she and Melba brought down my house, so to speak, remains embedded in my memory.

In recent years, I’ve become more discerning in my choice of friends. I weed out drama queens and kings, egotists, arrogant jerks, and users – folks who only get in touch when they want something. Furthermore, as for making new friends, my attitude is iffy. At this stage of my life – if I do, I do, and if I don’t, I won’t fret over it. It’s not that I am not open to making friends; I just don’t go out of my way to do it.

Everybody knows that friendships sometimes turn into loving relationships, whether or not that was the intent. That’s what happened with me and LB back in the sixties. Soon after our accidental meeting, we bonded and established our favorite hangout places and songs, including The Marvelettes’ “When You’re Young and In Love” and The Blackbyrds, “Rock Creek Park.”

Sometimes on weekends or in the evenings after work, we would enjoy long rides cruising through the streets in his Ford Mustang while listening to Smooth Jazz or The Quiet Storm on the radio. Occasionally, he would arrive at my job on a warm day during my lunch break. I’d climb on the back of his motorcycle, put on the extra helmet, and hug his waist as he zig-zagged through downtown traffic, heading to our preferred fast-food place where he would buy our favorite gyro sandwiches. Then we’d find someplace to chow down and chat. Afterward, he’d whisk me back to my job and head back to his.

Initially, we were in a monogamous relationship, and then over the years, we each drifted to someone else. Nevertheless, our friendship persisted for 32 years. Those cherished memories of our times together live in my head and heart, like one day in the early days of our union when he took me past his mom’s house. She was preparing a delicious smelling, mouthwatering meal for her and LB’s father, her husband’s dinner. The aroma nearly lifted me off my feet. Our visit was short but as we were preparing to leave, LB went into the kitchen with his mom while I waited by the front door. They came out together and she handed me a dish of paella wrapped in foil. Later that evening when I was eating it alone at home, it was so tasty I wanted to lick the bowl. Whenever she prepared paella after that, she would occasionally send me a plate by LB. “Can’t come in right now,” he’d say, “but mama sent this for you.” He would hand it to me, and off he’d go. If there is such a thing as soulmates, he and I were that.

When LB came to visit me on April 28, 2001, for about 90 minutes, we laughed, talked, and reminisced about our old times together over lemonade. Then, four days later, at 53, my BFF suddenly died. Whenever I replay that last day in my mind, I don’t think it was happenstance. Instead, I believe that it was God’s plan for us to spend that time together because unbeknown to us, when we hugged, kissed, and said goodbye as we always did when parting, it was the last time. His final haunting words to me were, “I’ll call you on Monday.”

My circle of friends took a heartbreaking hit.

 

 

 

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GI Jane Joke was no Knee-Slapper

by on ·Entertainment, Opinion, The Way I See It

Wow! Not since I saw the butt-naked streaker run across the stage during the 1974 Oscars have I seen anything so mouth-dropping as when Will Smith slapped the GI Jane joke out of Chris Rock’s mouth. And as if the smack heard around the world wasn’t enough, Smith went back to his seat and shouted obscenities. “Keep my wife’s name out of your f***ing mouth.”

Since everyone else with two lips and a pulse is opining about the Smith-Rock show, I’m adding my two cents.

Rock’s joke may have been in poor taste, but when is using physical violence against someone who says something you dislike okay? Is it all right for a student to strike a school teacher because he or she was asked to stop cutting up? Heck no. Is it okay for a parent to hit (and God forbid spank) their misbehaving child when a time-out is a waste of time? Well, that depends on who you ask.

The same premise can be applied to the infamous slap. Two wrongs don’t make a right. As I see it, the problem with many of today’s rebellious youths is that they have out-of-control parents as role models. Case in point – Smith’s son Jaden reportedly tweeted, “And that’s how we do it.” Would his response have been the same if Smith had pulled out a gun and shot Rock dead?

Smith lost points with me when he displayed a hair-trigger adverse reaction to what was said in jest. And I wonder, did it occur to him – for a split second – to wait to talk to Rock man-to-man off-stage and tell him that he didn’t appreciate his bad joke? Or was the actor hell-bent on displaying another Oscar-worthy performance?

Judging by what I’ve seen and heard, the public is divided on their feelings about the incident. If ordinary people expect celebrities to be role models, then Smith needs to check his demeanor because his inappropriate behavior took him to a new low. On the other hand, Rock showed restraint and class; he also refused to press charges for the assault.

According to ET the Oscars is broadcast in over 200 countries. Being the recipient of the bitch-slap heard around the world is the ultimate humiliation. I don’t even want to think about the outcry that would have resulted if Rock had socked him back and the two wound up grappling on the stage. That surely would have gotten more gasps than the naked man streaking across the stage over forty years ago.

I’ve heard some folks say that they wonder if Smith was under the influence of too much alcohol or some other judgment clouding, courage-boasting substance or if he was having a breakdown. Many folks are also saying that they believe there is something deeper eating at Smith than Rock’s GI Jane joke.

Since we were not privileged to hear the conversation between Denzel, Tyler Perry, and others who appeared to be trying to comfort Smith backstage, we don’t know what they were saying to him. I’d like to think that instead of saying, “Way to go, man!” at least one, if not all, of them, told him that what he did was out of line. It has also been reported that Smith said Denzel told him, “At your highest moment, be careful. That’s when the devil comes for you.'” Take heed Will Smith. Take heed.

This morning on The View, Smith’s mom expressed her surprise about her son’s actions. She said that she had never seen him behave that way.

And while many people are empathizing with “Poor Will” I agree with today’s guest host also on The View. She expressed her thoughts concerning the possible reasons for Smith’s behavior and whether the Academy should discipline him. She said, “Just because you can explain it doesn’t mean that you should excuse it…We cannot have selected consequences to decide who gets punished and who doesn’t.”

Will Smith may one day receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but it’s likely already being tarnished by the legacy of his recent Oscar-winning night behavior.

That’s my two cents, and I’m taking it to the bank.

 

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Viewing Ukraine from the Dark Side

by on ·Humanity, Opinion, Politics, Race Matters

Co-written with David White

Some of my friends, who, like me, are people of color, seem indifferent to what is happening in Ukraine. I am not indifferent, but I am troubled by the lack of compassion.

Some justify their apathy by referencing our history, the history of Blacks in America. They cite the horrific things that happened to our ancestors and the atrocities still happening today; from pre-civil rights era lynchings and the heinous murder of Emmett Till to the contemporary “modern-day lynchings” – death by cop of George Floyd, Sandra Bland, Breonna Taylor, and countless others.

When MSNBC interviewed some black and brown students stranded in Ukraine, they described how people like them are being prevented from boarding trains and are facing other slights. Like the millions of Ukrainians, the foreigners just want to get out of the country.

My contrarian friends feel they have no skin connection to the Ukrainians and therefore lack empathy, and that’s their prerogative. I, on the other hand, can’t help but feel empathy. Whenever I learn about man’s inhumanity to man; I always recall the words of Martin Niemöller:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

My cousin, David, and I share feelings about what is happening in Ukraine. I’ve summarized below some of what he expressed to me:

Unfortunately, it takes a tyrant like Putin to devise and implement a diabolical plan to take over a small, democratic country before people begin doing a much-needed self-evaluation. He is showing us precisely what happens when self-serving dictators run amok. Things turn out badly for many innocent people who simply want to live their lives.

The warning sirens began sounding shortly before the Orange One was elected when he asked Russia to help him get elected – by any means necessary – and Russia did!

Then, for the next four years, we watched 45 kowtowing and kissing Putin’s ring. We saw him stroke the flames in Ukraine to please Putin and advance his own crooked agenda while his Republican cohorts shrugged and looked the other way.

All we have to do is look back at this country four years ago and how we haven’t entirely extricated ourselves from our own mess. It really can be depressing. But, hopefully inspiring, to make sure we fix it now and ensure it doesn’t happen again.

The most frustrating part is that we know the formula for peace – the ideals of brotherhood and equality. But the price is the denial of selfish aims and goals. A price too high for too many people.

Scruples, morals, principles – things that take so much time and energy to teach, fight an eternal and existential battle against what Freud would call the “Id”; the drive to put self and selfish desires above anything that intrudes upon those pursuits. If Putin would see the Ukrainians as human beings worthy of life, liberty, and a pursuit of happiness equal to his and those he cares about (if any), then what he is doing would be unimaginable.

It’s why I don’t question the decisions that Biden makes on behalf of this country or why I didn’t question Obama’s motives. You don’t put yourself out there to face the disdain and contempt (for you and your family) while fighting for things like basic healthcare, decent wages, and fair treatment in law and justice unless you are grounded in something beyond yourself.

That’s why it is easy for me to know who to vote for in most elections. And the Republicans are making it practically a slam-dunk. Everything they do and say is based on the premise that the world is about the “haves and the have-nots” and their assumption that the “have-nots” should know their place and be satisfied with it! So if they have to contrive, cheat, lie or kill to maintain that social order, it’s okay with them because the ends justify the means.

A world where people they have ordained to be less worthy are treated as equal to them is intolerable and against their self-designed world order. No advantages? Unthinkable. No (enforced, perceived) superiority? Blasphemous. For they have (tried) to convince themselves that a Divine has appointed them over all others- at least that’s the lure demagogues like Hitler and his ilk have employed, perhaps since human existence began.

Zelenskyy is an inspiration reminiscent of so many brave heroes of the recent and not so distant past, like Nelson Mandela, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Malala Yousafzai. and many more.

I feel that Putin has bitten off more than he can chew and has incurred the wrath of an entire world (with a few minor exceptions), and this transgression will be too much for him to overcome. The only thing I feel disconcerted about is how much destruction he is willing to inflict on his way down. Unfortunately, his type doesn’t ever accept the errors of their ways; they merely double down.

The best we can do is pray and stay grounded in what is right. The principle proffered by Rev. Theodore Parker and the quote by Dr. King, who encapsulated it, says, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

We must keep our faith that it will work out okay. And knowing of your fondness for quotes, let me close with this, another one by Dr. King, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”

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Guess What Day It Is

by on ·Lifestyle and Culture

Guess what day it is? I sound like the hump day camel, don’t I? Well, it’s my birthday, so I can be giggly if I want to.

Yesterday, my neighbor baked me a pineapple cake to die for. (Yes, Word Police, I know that sentence ended in a preposition, but this is my party.)  Aside from being grammatically incorrect, to die for was also probably a poor choice of words considering that I am on the downside of the hill. Nevertheless, I ate a slice, and that cake was delicious. Thank you, Hazel.

If I place a single candle on the remaining cake, then make a wish and blow out the candle, my wish would be for world peace.

Where has the time gone? I feel like the years have passed like falling dominoes. Wasn’t it just yesterday when I was only ten wishing I was a teenager, and then 18 wishing I was 21? And along the way from then to now, I kept wishing – to be a wife, a mother, a social activist, a published author. Finally, at some point in time – not dictated by me, but assigned by the Higher Power who controls all – I achieved all of those earlier goals and then some. I have a few other things on my bucket list, and I hope to realize those ambitions before running out of tiles.

I’m not and have never been materialistic. Simple things in life make me happy. Knowing that my loved ones and friends are safe. A comfortable home. A good book. A tasty cup of coffee. I thank God every day that I awake to see another sunrise.

I often think about what I’d tell my younger self when she wished to be grown. I’d tell her . . .

  • You will always encounter naysayers throughout life. But, don’t be discouraged by their negativity. When they tell you that you can’t accomplish something, continue to pursue your dream and prove them wrong.
  • The world is filled with disgruntled people who will lash out at every opportunity about everything and anything instead of counting their blessings. Don’t let their unhappiness disturb your peace.
  • Keep in mind that there is no level playing field, and life is not fair. There are slopes, potholes, and other hindrances along the way waiting to trip you up. When you fall, and sometimes you will, rise up with even more determination. And let your mantra be the words of Nelson Mandela, “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”
  • Don’t yield to racists who will stereotype and try to define you and then claim that you have a victim mentality. Define yourself. Show them that you descend from warriors. You are a survivor.

I have numerous other life lessons that I’ve learned and want to share with you, little girl, but I’ll save those for some other time. Meanwhile, keep in mind the words of Nikki Giovanni, “I really don’t think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don’t mind the failure, but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.”

It’s your day — enjoy it!

 

 

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