My two-cents worth and then some. An online journal by LP Brown.
Redskins defensive tackle, Albert Haynesworth, following his alleged comments after a recent indictment on sexual abuse charges, is a prime candidate for the Dimwit of the Year Award. In an incident that occurred in February, Haynesworth, allegedly caressed a waitress’ breast, and then reportedly stated that the waitress was just upset because he had a white girlfriend. To further his own ill repute, he added that the waitress only made the allegation against him because she was “a little Black girl” and furthermore “I don’t even like Black girls.” Oh, how I would love to say “N-word, please!” but I won’t. Instead, I will ponder how any man – especially one birthed by a Black woman – can make such an asinine statement.
The issue of interracial relationships is a never-ending subject. On Thursday, it was a hot topic on The View. That discussion concerned a statement made by sultry singer Jill Scott in a recent Essence Magazine Commentary. After learning that a close male friend of hers had married a white woman Scott said “I felt my spirit … wince. My face read happy for you . . . but the sting was there.” Scott further explained that her inner reaction was not one of racism, but the unforgettable memory of the American history of slavery, when Black women were raped and maligned in numerous ways while the white woman was revered as the ultimate prize.
One of The View’s co-hosts, Whoopie Goldberg, remarked that “I find it extraordinary that in 2011 people still have this issue… that slavery stuff.” Well, Whoopie — WAKE-UP CALL! In spite of how far our nation has come on race relations, we still have miles to go. And as unfortunate as it is, the matter of race and interracial relationships is still an issue. It cannot be erased like chalk on a blackboard and closing our eyes, crossing our fingers, and wishing it away won’t make it go.
The truth hurts, but the worse lies are the lies we tell ourselves. Even a blind person can see the obvious. When men with a Haynesworth mentality date or marry a white woman, even if it means demeaning all Black women with blatant, ignorant statements like those he allegedly made, they feel that they have arrived. And Black women cannot help but feel the sting while wondering if men like him are still putting white women on the metaphorical pedestal, and imagining that they have won the Superbowl. Landed on Forbes List. Bought the Lamborghini.
The issue is not whether there is really a chance for a heart-to-heart connection among Black men and white women or Black women and white men. Love happens and it can be colorblind. However, Black women are tired of being offended by disparaging remarks and blatant disrespect. Regardless of what may be said privately among family and friends, you rarely hear a prominent Black woman publicly lambast all Black men. Men who direct such contemptuous statements at Black women either don’t care or fail to realize that public condemnation is a bitch, and it is as bastardly an act as dissing an entire race of women including one’s own Black sister, daughter and mother.
Do you know your Facebook friends? Are they people with whom you are actually acquainted or some folks you met through a mouse click? Some Facebook members claim a thousand or more friends, but if truth be told they don’t actually know all of the on-line friends they’ve acquired. Some of their friends are nothing more than still shot photo strangers. And how often do you hear about a Facebook member who, whenever anyone sends her a request to be added as her friend she accepts, even if she doesn’t know that person? She should be afraid – veeery afraid.
Facebook or otherwise, are your friends the real deal? I’m not talking about drinking or shopping buddies, casual or co-worker acquaintances, or pleasant next door neighbors. I’m referring to close girl or guy friends, the true blue ace boon coon got your back friend. It doesn’t matter whether your friendship formed early in life as you grew up together, or if you met in adulthood and subsequently bonded. There is no friend like a true friend, a confidant with whom you currently have, or at some point had, face-to-face communication, shared history, and common experiences. “For good times and bad times, I’ll be on your side forever more.” As sang by Dionnne Warwick, that’s what friends are for.
Many of us have real friends, but we also have some surrogate friends – people in our life that we refer to as friends out of courtesy, convenience, or merely to impress others with our perceived popularity. Somewhere in that mix is the ambiguous pool of people who we meet through social networking sites like LinkedIn, Twitter, or Facebook. We may eventually become real friend with our cyber acquaintances, but in the beginning they are just surrogates. True friendship is more than a one-dimensional, on-line hook-up via a social networking site. Speaking of which, do you know that there are several “Real Friends” sites on Facebook? Don’t take my word for it, go to “Search” and key in Real Friends.
As providence dictates, some friends remain in our life indefinitely, while others come and go. Even “best” friends occasionally set-aside their counterpart when dealing with the demands of a career, relationship, marriage, children, or life in general; and like anything else that does not get nurtured, a neglected friendship could wither on the vine. That’s why true friends go to great lengths to sustain their friendships. They make sure that they stay connected by visiting, phone calls, sending notes or emails, and remembering birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other special occasions.
Real friendship can cross the boundaries of class, economics, and race. Many Baby Boomers certainly know and appreciate the importance of friendship. Growing up during the Civil Rights Era, we experienced integration in schools and other public facilities. That social transition led some of us to be the first in our families to become real friends with someone of a different race.
In Patti LaBelle’s book, Patti’s Pearls, the soul singer describes friends as “the people who would not only ride the bus with me if the limo broke down, but would walk home with me if I was too broke to afford the fare.” She further wrote, “You don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.”