The text tone on my phone pierced the pre-dawn silence at 6:30 this morning, jolting me from the hazy realm between slumber and wakefulness. My son’s message flashed on the screen: “Good Morning, Mom. How are you feeling?”
A sense of foreboding washed over me, reminiscent of the crimson deluge that drenched Carrie at her ill-fated prom. Experience has taught me that a phone call or text message so early in the morning could not be good news.
I texted back. “Good morning, Son. Before I decide whether to turn on the TV, tell me if it will be a good day or a bad one.”
I didn’t have to tell him the context in which I asked that question. He already knew, and he responded, “Bad.”
The night before, as election results trickled in, anxiety crept over me. Hoping for the best but fearing the worst, I switched off the television at 10:15, earlier than usual. Then, to promote restful slumber, I sipped a glass of milk, inserted my earplugs, and let an audiobook lull me into a peaceful state, distancing myself from the political tumult.
A deluge of communications from various acquaintances quickly followed my son’s text message. Phone calls, text messages, and instant messages flooded in, each bearing words of concern or support. Among these, my cousin Vanessa’s instant message stood out. Her well-intentioned and playful query, “Cuz, have the tears stopped?” inadvertently broke the emotional dam I had carefully constructed. Until that moment, I had managed to keep my emotions in check, but her words unleashed a torrent of suppressed feelings.
As more people asked about my well-being, I grappled with an intense emotional response. (For a political junkie like myself, a strong support system proves invaluable in such times.) When asked about my state of mind, I confessed to experiencing what I imagined many other upstanding, devout citizens across the nation were feeling: despair like surpassing the disappointment of watching one’s favorite team lose the Super Bowl; anguish more profound than missing a life-changing lottery jackpot by a single number; and a feeling of sorrow even more heart-wrenching than the loss of a cherished friend.
As the 2024 election approached, I believed I had steeled myself against any unfavorable result. The 2016 disappointment is still fresh in my mind. I cautiously nurtured hope for a different outcome this time while trying to maintain emotional distance. However, my attempts at detachment proved futile. The results left me not just disappointed but utterly devastated. Initially, I yearned for isolation, seeking to process the shock in solitude. I powered down my phone, and after mustering the strength to share one optimistic post on Facebook, I shut off my computer. The temptation to retreat to bed, curl up, and hide from the world for the rest of the day was overwhelming. Yet, through self-affirming thoughts, I chose resilience over despair, refusing to let negativity triumph.
While struggling with emotional turmoil, I contemplated two other coping strategies: indulge in a day-long feast of sweets and comfort foods or channel my sorrow into physical exertion. Opting for the healthier alternative, I confronted my emotions head-on through exercise.
Determined, I positioned my stationary bike, donned my earphones, and selected a playlist on my iPod. As I pedaled with fierce intensity, I became fully immersed in the rhythmic motion and pulsating music. When my phone rang intermittently, I consciously let the calls go to voicemail, recognizing the importance of prioritizing my well-being at that moment. Sometimes, one must unapologetically claim their “me time” to process and heal.
As I furiously pushed the pedals, I realized I hadn’t ridden with such intensity in ages. I imagined myself as a competitor in the Tour de France cycling race. Physical exertion, particularly cycling or other exercise, has always been my go-to method for elevating my spirit. Coupled with music and a vivid imagination, it becomes a powerful vehicle for mental escape. Before long, I caught myself singing along to the songs on my playlist. My mood was on the upswing.
An acquaintance who identifies as agnostic often draws my criticism for his persistently pessimistic outlook on life. During our conversations about the afterlife, he expresses skepticism about the existence of Heaven while asserting that “We’re already living in Hell on Earth.”
Despite my usual disagreement with his viewpoint, I occasionally contemplate its merit. Observing the pervasive evil in our world, I sometimes wonder if his claim holds some truth—that we might unknowingly be living in a form of Hell. This concept suggests that after death, we could transition to another realm, either better or worse, depending on our earthly deeds and misdeeds.
Unlike my frequent routine of switching on the television promptly at 7 AM when I wake up, after reading my son’s text this morning, I delayed until 10:30. As I finally settled in front of the screen, I clutched my most oversized mug brimming with coffee. With each sip, I attempted to submerge myself in the brew, mirroring the desperate actions of a troubled drinker seeking solace at the bottom of a bottle. The rich, dark java became my temporary escape, much like how an alcoholic might use spirits to numb their pain and quiet their inner turmoil. To lift my spirit, another cousin, Jamal, sent me a link to one of my favorite oldies by The Isley Brothers, “Fight the Power.”
Despite my usual inclination towards optimism, there are moments when sustaining a positive outlook becomes a genuine challenge. Today is one of those days. Today the world appears to be moving in slow motion as if it, too, is dumbfounded.