In my private journal, I am free to rant and rave and take a giant step to hang dirty laundry out to dry on the vent line, while in my public journal, I usually keep posts impersonal. However, this one is taking a baby step over the line.
My younger brother, who I refer to as Little Bro, is a grown man, retired from the workforce a few years ago. He recently learned that the hearing problem he has had in one ear for some time has compounded. I wouldn’t mention this personal matter online except that Little Bro already revealed it yesterday on social media. So I take that to mean—and Judy Judy will likely agree with me—that since he initially made his condition public knowledge, I am not violating his privacy.
After reading on Facebook that my brother now has significant hearing loss in his other ear, I posted a link on my page to one of several articles I’ve read, suggesting that – smoking and drinking – the combination of alcohol and tobacco can be a volatile cocktail. When Little Bro rebuked, I reminded him that our dad, a smoker, and drinker, had died of a stroke.
Flashback to June 2006. My Little Bro is planning a cookout on Saturday, June 24. I spoke with him on the phone the day before, and we briefly discussed getting a birthday cake for dad whose birthday would be the day after, and surprising him with the cake at the cookout. It’s just as well that we scratched that plan because dad, who always looked forward to attending family cookouts, wasn’t feeling well that Saturday morning and decided that he would not participate this time. Nevertheless, our family enjoyed the cookout, minus dad. Unfortunately, the next afternoon dad suffered a debilitating stroke. It left him temporarily paralyzed and ultimately led to his death two months later, on August 30. Dad was an alcoholic. According to what mother often told me, he had been smoking cigarettes and drinking since she met him in his early teens.
Dad’s birthday is coming up in two weeks. Had he lived, he’d be turning 95 years old. I miss him a lot.
Little Bro and I had a brief and cordial exchange online about the smoking and alcohol subject, and he said, “I’m going to keep smoking and drinking. I don’t believe that study.” Discouraged but not surprised, I replied to him, “Do you. Love you.” End of discussion.
I know that if my mother were alive, she too would have concerns about my brother’s health-harmful habits; simultaneously, she would continue admonishing me about living in sin. I recall that those were two of her favorite subjects relative to family matters. However, like most adults, my brother and I have stubbornly maintained the mindset that – I’m a grown a** adult, and I’m going to do what I want. No matter how we choose to live, everybody has the same final destination. Don’t we?
The exchange between Little Bro and me reminds me of one of my favorite Billie Holliday songs.
There ain’t nothin’ I can do or nothin’ I can say
That folks don’t criticise me but I’m going to do
Just as I want to anyway
And don’t care just what people say . . .
Ain’t nobody’s business if I do.