Posts Tagged ‘closure’

Closure Completes the Puzzle

Blue puzzle with missing piece and light beam

Nearly a month ago, I wrote the previous post (titled Desperately Seeking Closure) about my friend, Kenny G, who was missing. Since then a few of my other friends and some blog readers have been asking if I have heard anything about Kenny. The answer is …

Yes. And the news is good. A week before my birthday, which occurred earlier this month, I received a card from Kenny G along with a note informing of his where about. How happy was I to learn that he is alive and well. On the eve of my birthday, I got a phone call from him. What a wonderful birthday gift. We talked for about 20 minutes and I learned that he is living in another city. To preserve his privacy, I will not disclose his location, but to alleviate the curiosity of any prophets of doom, I will say that no, he is not in jail nor hospitalized.

Nancy Bern, in her book Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What it Costs  writes that closure has been described as “justice, peace, healing, acceptance, forgiveness, moving on, resolution, answered questions, or revenge.” Drawing from her list I would say that I found resolution and answers. Not only did I learn that my friend is not dead as I feared he might be, but he is all right.  

While I have always empathized with anyone who I hear express a need for closure, especially when it involves their child or loved one, my recent personal experience has given me even deeper empathy for people who are facing that dilemma. And to add my own description to Bern’s list, I liken closure to inserting the final piece that completes a jigsaw puzzle over which one has agonized for way too long.

 

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Desperately Seeking Closure

QuestionI think he’s dead. I don’t know for sure. I hope I’m wrong. What I do know is that he is missing. Not knowing what has happened to my friend has me in a quandary, so perhaps you’ll understand if I switch between speaking of him in the present and past tense.

In the years since we’ve been platonic friends, Kenny G – my nickname for him – rarely missed sending me a card for my birthday, Christmas, and other special occasions; or phoning me every few weeks just to keep in touch. For him not to send a Christmas Card or call me last month to say “Happy New Year!” was very unusual.

Although we attended the same high school — he was a few years ahead of me — and grew up blocks apart, we never actually met until 21 years ago; and over time we learned that we knew some of the same people from school and the old neighborhood.

The last time I saw Kenny G was a few weeks after his birthday last October, when he stopped by my home and visited for about half-an-hour with my beau and me. Before leaving he hugged me, shook hands with him, and said “See ya’ later.” to us. That was four months ago. Since then I have left several messages on his phone — the calls went straight to voice mail — and sent notes to his last known address, but received no reply.

Recently, while scrolling through my cell phone messages I discovered that

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