My daughter is often not at home when Amazon brings her packages, so she usually has them delivered to my place. She told me yesterday that Amazon would bring a package for her the next day (today). “No problem,” I said.
An hour later, she called me, concerned that the tracking information Amazon emailed her showed that the package would arrive between 4 AM and 8 AM. I said, “It won’t. No one in their right mind makes deliveries in the middle of the night. They probably meant 4 PM to 8 PM.”
Several months ago, an ambitious young Amazon driver brought me a package at 9:45 PM. That was the latest delivery I’ve ever received – that is, until very early this morning when my doorbell chimed, wrenching me from dreamland back to reality. In my darkened bedroom, I trained my squinting eyes on the clock on the nightstand. Once focused, it was as though I could hear the timepiece shouting 5:21 AM! Amazon? I said to myself – at 5:21 in the morning. No way. I reasoned.
I rolled out of bed. Then, shuffling sleepily along the hallway, I continued through the living room and to the door, thinking – I must be dreaming. This is not happening. I switched the light on along the way and stole a glance in the wall mirror, startling myself. The eye mask I had hurriedly pushed up on my forehead was lop-sided, leaning left, while my night scarf had slid down and partially covered my right eye. I looked a fright; I mean sight.
When I reached the door and peered through the peephole, I could see someone who looked like a baby-faced junior high school kid wearing the familiar Amazon uniform. Still, I cautiously asked, “Who is it?”
He politely said, “Good Morning, Mam. Amazon. I have your delivery.”
In my sluggishness, I had forgotten to put on my robe, so I adjusted my nightgown to modestly cover “the girls” before cracking open the door just wide enough to grab the cereal-box-sized package being extended.
“Thanks,” I said before closing the door. I was tempted to add a few choice words about the ridiculousness of making deliveries in the middle of the night, but then I decided why take out my frustration on a kid trying to earn an honest living.
As I write this, it is 5:58 AM, and I have been wide awake since the predawn delivery. I’m entertaining the idea of sending a message to Amazon telling them what I think about their delivering packages during a time when most normal people (and undoubtedly some abnormal ones, too) are asleep. Or maybe I’ll call their 24-hour customer service number and share my thoughts. Instead, I let rational rule. What good would it do to chastise a customer service rep? He or she will likely follow procedure, apologize and tell me that my complaint has been duly noted and will be forwarded to the appropriate manager. Then as soon as our call ends, the rep will start laughing with coworkers about the crazy customer’s complaint before sending it to the recycle bin, aka File 13.
Now, I am sitting here flippantly imagining what if the company has created an after-midnight deliveries shift to penalize customers who they consider frequent complainers. Customers like me who call them and fuss about orders received days later than scheduled, damaged items, and packages that they show were delivered – “Delivered to someone, but not to me,” I tell them.
I envision tit for tat; Amazon will penalize people on the frequent complainers’ list by disturbing us with early morning wake-up call deliveries. The unique packaging will be imprinted with a retaliatory slogan, instead of “Better late than never,” the taunting catchphrase would read “Better early than never!” followed by a smiley face emoji.
Energized by a cup of freshly brewed coffee, the sleuth in me learned that Amazon’s standard delivery time is between 8 AM and 8 PM. As a result, most purchases reach the customer’s residence no later than 8 PM. However, deliveries for Prime members who request either same-day or two-day delivery can arrive as late as 10 PM. I also discovered that the company hires DSP (Delivery Service Partners) and Flex drivers who are independent contractors. Those workers can choose their hours and schedules; some have a quota they need to satisfy on the days they elect to work. Most importantly, I discovered that when a Prime customer places an order, if they select the delivery “Overnight by 8 AM” option, the order will be delivered between 4:00 AM and 8 AM.
I wonder if my daughter inadvertently checked that overnight box? I need to phone her right now and ask her. But it’s early. Um, yes, it is.