Do you hate people who are always trying to one-up you? If you are like me, you know a one-upper when you see one. The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes one-upmanship as “the art or practice of outdoing or keeping one jump ahead of a friend or competitor.” The way I see it, one-upping is simply a form of gamesmanship, although it is sometimes viewed by people who dislike it as creative intimidation.
Most of us know at least one one-upper; that outspoken relative or friend who, no matter what the subject, they know more about it than anyone else. I think many people, including you and I engage in one-upping at one time or another. Wink. Wink.
One-upping is probably as close to a verbal knock-out game as you can get. Here’s how it’s played. Let’s say that you tell a friend, “I had a terrible day.” She immediately chimes in with “No, my day was waaay worse than yours,” and then she rambles on and on about why she had the day from hell. By the time her rant is over, you forget why your day was so bad.
Here’s another example. Imagine that you are overhearing a conversation between two men. One guy tells the other, “I recently visited Mt. Kilimanjaro.” Before he can finish his sentence, the other guy one-ups him by saying, “Man, I not only visited Mt. Kilimanjaro, I climbed it — in bare feet.” Yes, some one-uppers, determined not to be outdone, sometimes embellish their tale ridiculously.
Some one-uppers like an audience. And speaking of ridiculous, let me tell you an unbelievable, but true story. Many years ago, some friends and I attended a program that featured a fire sword swallower. The performer, after amazing us with his finesse at swallowing a flaming sword, asked a volunteer from the audience to come on stage and duplicate the act. This was years before government safety regulations would have prevented an untrained and naïve audience member from participating in such a dangerous stunt. One of our wacky friends, who thrived on one-upping and trying to be impressive, volunteered. As he walked up on the stage, I felt compelled to cover my eyes with my hands; instead I just crossed my arms, confident that he would come to his senses and return to his seat. Wrong! As he attempted and failed to swallow the fiery sword, he suffered burns which days later became blisters on his lips and inside of his mouth. Fortunately, not every one-upper goes to the extremes as my young and dumb, fried lip friend did.
We live in a competitive world and one-upping is just one more silly game that people play. Self-confident people are not unsettled by one-uppers, nor do they view it as a put-down. Consider this excellent quote on the subject by Nev Sagiba, “Wisdom is not found in words but in the trail a person leaves in life….”
If you feel that someone is one-upping you there are a few things you can do. Immediately, come back with a mine is bigger than yours story; ignore the statement; or bid your time — your turn will come. And while you are waiting for your opportunity, boost your confidence by humming a little tune like this one from the musical Annie Get Your Gun, “Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you.”
Now one-up that!