In a city where politicians rule and the power handshake is the customary greeting, I am probably an anomaly. I am a hugger.
I hug my relatives. I hug my neighbors. I’ve been known to hug co-workers and, depending on the circumstances, I sometimes hug people who I meet for the first time.
Just as the nod of Namaste recognizes a divine spark within each of us, a sincere hug, like a genuine smile, is a heart-generated gesture. It is a brief, spirit-to-spirit connection between the giver and the receiver that non-verbally expresses a range of emotions. And according to psychologist, Dr. Joe Rock, research shows that a hug not only “breaks down some of the barriers that can make us feel detached,” they also have a therapeutic effect.
There are plenty of people like me for whom hugging comes naturally, and there are people who aren’t huggers at heart. The latter often will not initiate a hug and will return one simply to avoid hurting the other person’s feeling. Sadly and perhaps unbeknownst to the reluctant hugger, a non-reciprocal hug can feel as empty as a limp handshake.
A friend of mine confessed that he does not like to hug. “I’ve just never been into hugging,” he says and then he adds, “Women are notorious huggers.” He says that he will hug the woman he loves and some close friends and relatives, but that’s about it. When he encounters a female acquaintance, a casual friend or a co-worker who is going away or who he hasn’t seen for a while, the woman will usually say, “I’m leaving now and just came to say good-bye” or she will greet him enthusiastically, “Hello! It’s nice to see you again.” In either circumstance, she will stand there for a few seconds, looking like she is expecting a departing or welcoming hug. “Unless she makes the first move, usually I won’t,” he says. Because I am a hugger, his admission strikes me as oh so sad.
Who among us hasn’t hugged someone who reciprocated with the lackluster effort of an inmate walking toward the death chamber? On the other hand, a good hugger will embrace you with gusto. He or she will give you a strong, soul-warming hug that can mean a number of things. It can say, “You matter.” “I’m genuinely happy to meet or see you.” “You are my friend.” “I love you.” “I’m so sorry for your loss.” A sincere hug can make you feel welcomed, loved or comforted.
I come from a long line of huggers. Most of the people in my family – especially if they haven’t seen you in a while – will greet you with a hug. But I have to give the award for the world’s greatest hugger to my Aunt Ida. Even when I was a young child, I was impressed by my aunt’s body-hugging embrace. When she wrapped me in her arms, I felt truly loved. I didn’t want the hug to end. To this day, my aunt’s hugs remain consistent. During the moment that she is embracing me and in the seconds after the hug ends I feel like all is well in the world.
I think it is sad that some schools across the country including Maryland, New Jersey, and North Carolina have instituted a “no hugging zone.” What harm is there in a non-romantic hug between teachers and students, and amongst students?
As for me, age, gender or race doesn’t matter. Depending on the situation, whether I am just introduced to you or have known you for a while, you’ll likely be greeted not just with a smile but with a warm hug, as well.
Hugging is my standard social greeting. My children and grandchildren get hugs every day. Some of my friends and neighbors get hugs when I haven’t seen them for a while time.
Try it. Give someone a hug today and see if it doesn’t make your day. It just might make theirs, too.