When I was a child, a hug from my teacher was comforting and encouraging. Giving a hug to a favorite teacher showed my appreciation. But today conscientious teachers are afraid to touch or be touched by students. What’s more, a student displaying physical affection toward a teacher or another student could face suspension.
Such was the case on December 3, when Sam McNair, a 17-year-old high school senior in Duluth, Georgia, was suspended for sexual harassment because he hugged his teacher. A week earlier, six year old first grader, Hunter Yelton, was suspended from a Colorado school for kissing his female classmate on the hand. Following a wave of negative publicity, the Colorado school system lifted the suspension. People tend to regard the action of the six year old as innocent and impulsive, but some are less forgiving of the high school senior.
I queried a few teachers on the subject and have summarized their views below. To protect their privacy, I’ve used bullets instead of names to represent each teacher’s remarks. Here is what they had to say.
- What was he [the high school student] thinking? What was she [the teacher] thinking? One news source reported that the teacher had previously warned the student that hugging was inappropriate. Most schools distribute a handbook containing guidelines and a code of conduct that advises students and teachers to respect each other’s space. Unfortunately, we cannot read other people’s minds. Perhaps the teacher was fearful that the student’s action would jeopardize her job. As it turned out it is the student’s academic future that is now in jeopardy. Personally, I would be very uncomfortable being hugged by a student, male or female.
- Based on what I’ve heard and read, it’s ridiculous that he was suspended and may lose a scholarship. Back in the ’70s when I was teaching, I took a workshop/seminar on how different ethnic groups view closeness. I remember that we were told that, in general, blacks tend to touch and hug more than other groups, Asians not at all except within their own group(s), and Hispanics prefer standing back until or unless they are very familiar with someone. This had to do with teachers and students and how we (white teachers) should view the situation. I have noticed throughout my life that this idea is mostly true. I am not a big hugger. Maybe it’s my Scandinavian background. But I understand it. I don’t like spontaneous hugging… [I was] a former middle school teacher in a Title I program in a mixed neighborhood. I grew up in such a neighborhood. I can’t say that all whites have the same instincts on hugging, nor would “all” of any group. It so much depends on one’s family upbringing, even ethnicity… But these kids should not be persecuted. Maybe discussions about personal space should occur at all age levels.
- I always believed inner circles were sacred. They should not be crossed without permission. You are to use your words first. It’s clear [that] a lot of people ascribe to that notion. I do agree that there are a few situations where a hug seems appropriate. Rules should be clear.
- I’ve had both experiences. Some kids just need love, others are pervs. [I don’t know] about this case, but being a large busty woman I don’t give full hugs to boys…girls either. [I do a] sideways lean.
- As an educator for many years in two major educational systems, there isn’t any steadfast rule about refraining from hugging students or being hugged. So many of our students are emotionally deprived and do not receive the emotional or physical attention that they need to feel secure. [Teachers who] have worked to establish solid rapport and relationships built on trust are not threatened by students hugging them. Often, the physical action is spontaneous and sincere. I feel that there is too much restriction placed on this…and [such incidents] should be dealt with on a case by case basis.
It’s not unusual to hear news reports about teachers who cross the line by engaging in inappropriate contact with students. Theoretically that occurs outside the classroom. But should all physical contact among students or between students and teachers be banned at school? Should a nonsexual hug or a comforting hand on the shoulder be cause for suspension? As a hugger myself, a zero tolerance policy on hugs seems so unnatural. It bothers me that school girls cannot share a girl I feel your pain hug. What’s wrong with a fingers-gripping, forward lean, shoulder bump how you doing man hug between males? Sexual harassment rules are in place in numerous schools and because the door swings in both directions, sometimes innocent people get slammed.
Not all schools in the U.S. consider hugging to be sexual harassment. At least one high school in Montvale, New Jersey has no rules against hugging — not yet. Girls hug other girls. Boys hug other boys. Girls and boys hug each other. Everybody gets their hug on.
To hug or not to hug. What do you think?