10 responses to “Watching Mother Die from Behind an Emotional Firewall”

  1. Kyle

    Powerful post. Full of courage. Maybe your story but I’m sure many people can relate to it in their own lives.

  2. Barbara Parker

    Your Mother just heard you and she understands that she could have been a little more patient and understanding but she attacked Motherhood the way she saw her generation and the one before her handle things. They came from a generation that thought they had rule by fear to protects us. The world was changing so fast for our generation that it had to be terrifying for them who learned to adjust to the contraits placed on them by a segregated society in the South. They were accustomed to providing for us to show they loved us. I remember my Grandmother and Mother never could say “I love you” it was just understood and not questioned.

    As my Mother entered her 80’s she finally was able to tell me she loved me even though I waited for years to hear the words, when she did say them it was so strange to hear her actually say the words and you would have thought she had just gave me a million dollars. But living with both my Grandmother and Mother gave me some insight because my Grandmother seemed the coldest person in the world “children should be seen but not heard” and showed no emotion toward any of us but we knew she did love us but didn’t feel she could show us. So, my Mother also adopted her parental style until grandchildren came and society changed about loving families. I remember when I was sick and I told your Mother I love you as our call was ending and I panicked “what will she say” and she said I love you too and I felt like I did when my Mother first said it. Just before she lost her voice I got the nerve to tell her again that I loved her and she again said I love you too. So, while they didn’t do a great job in communication and making us feel comfortable to speak to them without fear they taught us not to do that to our children but to listen, communicate and tell them we loved them and it was okay to do so. Plus a little bit of fear is sometimes warranted as my Daughter has said about my parental skills back in the day. Hmmmm, wonder where that came from!

  3. mydron

    I couldnt stop reading your commentary. You make me love you even more. I feel your pain and still the love u have for such a strong,opinionated Mother. Wow, your honesty is so refreshing. I too share some of the same sentiments re: my parents but im sure I wasnt the type of daughter you were. It was hard for them to admit they were wrong or afraid. But this is where you get your strength. Stay strong and we need to talk cuz.

  4. Alexandra

    Beautiful post! I also enjoyed reading the comments. The theme of honesty calls to my mind a letter from Pope Benedict XVI (one of his papal encyclicals) before he was emeritus, called “Caritas In Love.” He writes…. “Truth needs to be sought, found, and expressed [in] love, but love in its turn needs to be understood, confirmed, and practiced in the light of truth…Without truth, love degenerates into sentimentality.” Your post was not mere sentiment; it expressed true love. Brava, Loretta!

  5. Tyna

    I agree with Alexandra, “Your post was not mere sentiment; it expressed true love.” You could feel the love all the way through it. Reading your post and comments readers leave you, I kinda understand what I have been going through with my own mom. Based on the time period each generation lives thru will give you an idea about how a generation will raise their own children. Although I love her deeply, my relationship with my mom was strained, until recently. I hope my relationship with my children is much better.

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