My two-cents worth and then some. An online journal by LP Brown.

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Reflections from the Other Side of the Hill

by on ·Baby Boomers, General, Lifestyle and Culture, Opinion, Retirement, The Way I See It

With retirement and advancing age comes the blessing of no longer having to play the games. What games? You ask. There are many. Some of them are easily eliminated when you are, as people like to refer to it, “over the hill.” But I will reflect on a couple.

Let’s start with working outside the home. When the opportunity to take an early retirement presented itself, I took it, albeit with some reluctance and much apprehension. Now, nearly ten years later, I consider myself blessed to have experienced an early retirement. Unfortunately, some people don’t live to see those carefree days.

Unless I fall-down on my luck, I can kiss-off job interviews, the workforce, and PITA (pain in the ass) bosses. Clarification is required here. Not all bosses are PITA. During my years spent in corporate America, I had some wonderful managers. I can honestly say that I loved at least one of them like a father. I worked for that man for ten years until he retired after which I found myself back in the labor pool swimming with the sharks and the backstabbers. Don’t get me wrong, I mingled with many good-hearted and wonderful people, too, and made some life-long friends.

Some of my worse memories are of being in a subordinate position to a couple of obviously unqualified managers whose negative character traits including racism and sexism were as evident as dog poop on the sidewalk. My job history and years of watching the gamers play taught me that just because someone has a prominent job title does not mean that he or she is qualified, proficient or principled. Intelligence is not always a requirement for a high position either. Anyone with the right backing and a base, no matter how unstable, can land the job. You could even become president.  Males are not always the culprits in the workforce either. Some women with authority can be more vicious than men.

I entered the workforce as a volunteer candy-striper at the long ago demolished Freedman’s Hospital, and I remained in the labor force for nearly 50 years. During the time before my escape to retirement freedom, I had some dream jobs and some duds. Now, I have no more demanding bosses, annoying co-workers, performance reviews, office politics, and boring staff meetings. And I have the opportunity to work from home when I want to.

While retirement brings some challenges – such is life – I find that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and as with everything maintaining a positive attitude is key.

Another game that I am happy to be out of is the dating game. Regardless, of the present-day dangers, the dating game is fun, exciting, and deemed essential for Gen Xers and Millennials. But for many mature adults with whom I have discussed the subject and who are old enough to remember when it was safer to wade into the dating pool, courting now is more hassle than it is worth. Even if my near 20-year relationship should end for whatever reason, (some things like death and taxes are beyond our control), then I am done with dating. If I have learned nothing else in all of my years, it is that I can be quite content by myself, doing my own thing.

There are numerous other rules of the game that can be tossed aside in retirement. I don’t have to worry about the routine of going to bed early or setting an alarm clock to get up in the morning. Barring unforeseen circumstances, I can get up when I want, go where I want to go, do what I want to do. I don’t have to put on work clothes every day, and I don’t have to deal with a daily commute and rush-hour traffic.

Above all, I have time to pursue the things that I enjoy, like learning new things, furthering my education, exercising, reading and writing.

My bucket list is rather short. It is not a copy of someone else’s objectives:  travel the world, ride a hot air balloon, participate in running with the bulls in Spain, or hike the Appalachian Trail. Topping my list is (1) remain spiritual, (2) maintain a positive attitude and (3) avoid letting negative people ruin my day. You see, what I mean? My list is uncomplicated and original, just like me.

More to come on the games of life in future posts.

 

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Family Reunion Planner: When You are IT – Part II

by on ·Lifestyle and Culture

A year ago, I wrote a post about the joy and pain of being a family reunion planner. I am now revisiting that subject. Veteran planners will surely relate to much of what I say. You already know that planning a family reunion is a challenge. Amateurs, consider this a crash course in Family Reunion Planning 101.

Keep in mind that the process of planning a family reunion takes organizational skills, time and patience – lots of time and patience. And since there may be moments when you will feeling like crying and asking yourself, “Why did I volunteer to do this?” having a sense of humor helps lighten the load.

Most family members look forward to the reunion as an enjoyable occasion and a chance to socialize with family at an upbeat and pleasant event. It’s a thousand times better than an unhappy occurrence, like a funeral.

Over the past few decades, I’ve planned or helped plan a few reunions. During the long intervals between reunions, some of my family members disclosed their wish that “someone” would plan another reunion; while others straight out asked me to organize one. I told them and had promised myself that I would never participate in planning another reunion because I don’t need the stress. Proof yet again that one should never say never, I recently relented to assist my brother who chose to organize this year’s reunion on the maternal side of our family.

I hesitate to say this, but I’m going to be candid. One reason that people do not want the responsibility of organizing a family reunion is that it is a pain in the – head, a headache. (Gotcha, didn’t I?)  As soon as you begin planning the event, there are always a few relatives who did not want to assume the responsibility for the project, but who want to tell you how it should be done, where would have been a better place to hold it, and what activities should be planned. Then, if you politely refuse their suggestions or ignore them completely, some have the nerve to get an attitude. Excuse me, but if you didn’t go through the labor pains of birthing the baby, then you have no claim to it. On the other hand, if you organize the reunion, then you can do as the Burger King slogan says — have it your way.

People who have never planned a reunion have no idea how much work is involved in doing it. Topping the aggravation list is the attempt to get people to send in their fee, contribution, donation – whatever term you choose to use for the money needed to fund the event (SHOW ME THE MONEY), preferably before the deadline. Expect some Johnny or Jills to pay late.

Reunion organizers tend to be reasonable and charge a practical fee. Some undercharge which often doesn’t bode well for them. But, no matter how practical the cost, there will always be some folks complaining that it is too much. Imagine trying to have a splendid reunion on a dime store budget. Perhaps you could pull it off by holding the event at rent-a-shack, but it doesn’t work if you want to have the reunion at a pleasant venue. Ideally, the combined contributions of all attendees will cover the essentials for the event, but it is not unusual for a planner who is determined to make it a successful and memorable occasion to wind up blowing his or her personal budget by paying numerous out-of-pocket expenses.

The primary responsibility of an organizer includes:

  • Creating a budget
  • Locating a hotel or other suitable site and negotiating for event rooms and lodging
  • Collecting fees from family members that will cover expenses and incidentals including costs for a hotel or another venue; postage stamps (for sending invitations to family members who are not online); catering service (if not a potluck meal); hiring a DJ or arranging other musical entertainment (unless a family member volunteers); audiovisual equipment, if needed; purchasing mementoes, freebies, name tags, stationery for programs, decorations, and other incurred costs.

Understandably, people who live in or near the place where the reunion is held bear fewer expenses than those who must pay transportation costs to travel from distant cities and for lodging unless they can stay at the home of family members or friends who live in or near the host city.

If you volunteer to be “It” and plan the reunion, it is a good idea to form a committee or committees, to relieve some of the burdens of doing it all. That is easier said than done. God bless the empathetic family members who volunteer their assistance. Utilize them, if needed – but be mindful that while many people are eager to participate in the festivities, don’t expect them to volunteer to work toward making the event happen.

Above all remember the satisfaction you will feel when helping to create an enjoyable occasion when many members of the extended family congregate and hopefully, all will have a good time.

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The Wait: A Customer Service Hold-Time Horror Story

by on ·General, Lifestyle and Culture, Opinion, Technology

Customer ServiceThe other day, I called the Social Security office to ask one simple question. When could I expect to receive my 1099 form? After several rings, my call was answered by an interactive voice response system (IVR), commonly referred to by us laypeople as a recorded message. As soon as I heard it, I knew that getting a simple answer to a simple question might take a little time. But I had no idea that I would become a casualty of phone system hell. This is my record of the call.

IVR: Your wait period is approximately 50 minutes.

Me:  FIFTY MINUTES! I shouted in my mind. Are you kidding me? Thinking that perhaps I had misheard – surely the robot said 15 minutes, not 50 – I decided to wait. I looked at the clock. It was 8:55 a.m.

Holding the phone with my left hand, I leaned back in my chair, grabbed the TV remote with the free hand and began channel surfing.

After a few minutes, I started paying closer attention to the messages.

9:09 – IVR:  Thank you for holding. We appreciate your patience. We are assisting other people and will help you as soon as we can.

When my clock displayed 9:10, I put the phone on speaker, set it on my desk, began filing my nails and reminiscing about the days when customer service meant person-to-person, not person-to-machine. Usually, after the second ring, the third at most, a real person would answer the phone, especially in government offices. You remember those days, don’t you?

It’s frustrating enough to be put on hold for an extended period, but when an IVR holds you hostage, you feel helpless. You don’t dare hang up and call back because you will just have to repeat the process.

It used to be that a caller could press zero to bypass the gibberish and be immediately connected to a live person. But businesses got wise to that and eliminated the feature, leaving callers no choice but to hold, and wait, and hold, and wait.

Some companies will place callers in a phone queue, sort of a virtual waiting room, offering them the option of remaining on the phone while they wait for an answer or receiving a callback. The Social Security system did not give me that option. And so I waited.

In the interim, I entertained myself by playing Words with Friends. I checked my Facebook page. I even perused my emails. Finally, I began recording the messages that rotated every 60 seconds.

9:15 – IVR:  Thank you for holding. We appreciate your patience. We are assisting other people and will help you as soon as we possibly can.

ME:  We’ll see. Holding the phone with one hand, I impatiently began tapping my fingers on the desk with the other.

9:16 – IVR:  We apologize for this delay if you are calling for general information. If you are applying for retirement, disability or spousal benefits, you may want to visit us at www.social security.gov.

ME:  Idiots! If you answer the phone, I would tell you that I cannot log on to the www.stupidsite. If I could do you think I’d be wasting my time calling you?

9:17 – IVR:  We regret that you have waited so long.

ME:  The hell you do.

IVR:  We are doing our best to answer your call. Social Security provides benefits to more than 50 million. We are taking calls in the order in which they came.

ME:  You said that already. Uh huh. Sure. I was determined to out-wait them.

9:18 – IVR:  Thank you for holding.

ME:  Oh, good. They’re finally going to answer.

IVR:  We appreciate your patience.

ME:  What!

IVR:  We are assisting other people and will help you as soon as we possibly can.

ME:  You’ve got to be kidding me.

9:19 – IVR:  At the conclusion of your call we would like you to participate in a short survey and tell us about your experience.

ME:  Oh, yes. Don’t I want to do that!

IVR:  If you would like to participate in the survey, please stay on the line after the agent hangs up.

For the first time following the previous messages, I hear four fast beeps. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. That’s different, I think. Surely, a sign that someone is about to answer my call. I wait anxiously while watching the numbers on my digital clock flip over.

9:20 – IVR:  Thank you for waiting. Someone will assist you shortly. Please have handy your Social Security number and any recent mail we have sent you. Having this information will help us to serve you better.

ME:  Here we go. Finally!

9:21 – IVR:  We apologize for this delay if you are calling for general information. If you are applying for retirement, disability or spousal benefits, you may want to visit us at  www.socialsecurity.gov.

ME:  Are you kidding me?

9:22 – IVR:  We regret that you have waited so long. We are doing our best to answer your call. Social Security provides benefits to 50 million. We are taking calls in the order in which they came.

ME:  Sitting in stunned silence and disbelief that I’ve been holding on the line for nearly 30 minutes. A first. And – a last.

9:23 – IVR:  Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. (Then, there is a pause.)

ME:  What’s with the beeps? No message following? I know someone is going to pick-up now.  I’m preparing to stand up and do a happy dance. When I hear…

IVR:  Thank you for holding. We appreciate your patience. We are assisting other people and will help you as soon as we can.

ME:  Wearing a zombie-like expression.

9:24 – IVR:  At the conclusion of your call we would like you to participate in a short survey and tell us about your experience. If you would like to participate in the survey, please stay on the line after the agent hangs up.

ME:  Oooh, Buddy. You DO NOT want me to take the survey. Not now.

9:25 – IVR:  Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Thank you for waiting. Someone will assist you shortly. Please have handy your Social Security number and any recent mail we may have sent you. Having this information will help us to serve you better.

ME:   Now talking to the IVR. How many times are you all going to replay these */%#  messages? As much as I hate on-hold music, I’ll opt for that now.

9:26 – IVR:  Thank you for holding. We appreciate your patience. We are assisting other people and will help you as soon as we can.

 Those same messages recycled repeatedly until at 9:55, just as I was about to hang up, a real live human came on the line.

Human:  May I help you?

Me:    I took a deep breath and did not fly off the handle because I knew he might be expecting that and I didn’t want him to hang up on me. So, I said calmly said through gritted teeth, “I’m calling to inquire about my 1099 form.”

I had barely finished the sentence before Human in a robotic tone said, “The 1099 forms are being mailed from headquarters throughout the month of January. You should receive your 1099 before the end of the month. Is there anything else I can help with?”

Thank you. No. Click!

Had I not recorded the times and IVR messages, I would not have believed that I had held the phone for an hour for a conversation that lasted about 45 seconds. My first and last time doing a phone marathon.

At least the SS IVR does not add insult to the injury of phone hang-over customers by including “Your call is important to us.”

And no, I did not take the survey.

 

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Signing the Christmas Cards When Unwedded

by on ·Holidays, Lifestyle and Culture

Black senior coupleOh, come all ye saints and sinners – weigh-in on this. Since the 12 days of Christmas are a mere four weeks away, I’ll get straight to the point. I wrestled with this issue last year, and the year before that; in fact for the last 16 years. It’s time to put this baby to bed, and it isn’t a nativity scene.

The question is how to sign the Christmas cards when you are an unmarried couple.

If the friends and relatives to whom you send Christmas cards do not personally know your significant cohabitating other, should you include the SO’s name on the cards when you sign them, or just write your name and pretend that your boo doesn’t exist? Or do you write both names on all cards and let the recipients who don’t know him (or of him) ask themselves silly rhetorical questions like, “When did she remarry?” or “Did I miss something?”  (Note – if sending a Christmas card to a former wanted-to-be boyfriend who won’t give up, include your SO’s name, for sure.)

In previous years, my practice has been as follows. If I am sending a card to someone who knows us both, then I will include both names on the card. But cards sent to people who only know me (for instance, former co-worker friends or acquaintances) will usually just have my signature. If I’m sending a card, for him, to one of his friends or relatives and they don’t know me, then his signature will be the only one on the card. Make sense?

I realize that the way an unmarried couple chooses to sign a card (for Christmas, birthdays, condolence, or any other occasion) is a personal decision, usually made by the person writing the cards. Still, I’ve been curious for a long time to know if there is a protocol on this matter. Miss Manners is there such a thing as card signature etiquette?

This year, before I begin sending Christmas cards, I decided to do some research. I discovered that through the decades, mainly since the sixties, other unmarried couples have also pondered the question of how should the name (or names) be signed beneath the message inside the card. There is also another issue. How should the envelope be addressed to a couple living out of wedlock?

Here is what I’ve learned:

The simple rule of thumb is to write the couple’s names alphabetically on separate lines and join their names with “and,” such as

Mr. Ahmal Jackson and
Ms. Shenika Jones
123 Shacking Up Lane
Sin City, Anyplace  00666

On the other hand, I would propose that the order of the names be determined by which person you know best. If you are a close friend or relative to Shenika, then you would address the envelope showing her name first and vice versa for Ahmal.

Ms. Shenika Jones and
Mr. Ahmal Jackson
123 Shacking Up Lane
Sin City, Anyplace 00666

If my mother were alive, I know how she would answer the question of how to sign the card. She’d say, “The couple should get married.”

Then, the couple would reply “Been there. Done that. Thank you, Ma’am.”

The query about how to sign the card is not a prompt for saints to offer a biblical lesson about living in sin; nor is it a signal for a Shakespearean rephrase about marriage:  To do or not to do. That is not the question. The question is how to sign the darn card.

My research subsequently produced the answer to my question. And at the risk of sounding sacrilegious, I’ll say that it also brings to mind one of my favorite quotes, “I’d rather be known in life as an honest sinner than a lying hypocrite.”

Sleep baby.

 

 

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Oh, What A Tangled Head We Weave

by on ·Lifestyle and Culture, Styles and Fads

Comfort Zone2This article is not for seasoned weave wearers. You already know what is involved from the time that weave is sewn into your hair, then removed and another sewn in for as long as you choose to wear it. This is for others like me who are newbies to the process and more comfortable with our own mane.

I can speak to this issue now because I recently got a weave or let’s say a partial one, I’ll explain that later. But before I do I’ll share my experience with you.

It took the strength of Hercules for me to surrender my nonconformist mindset, abandon my short fro which I had worn for nearly 30 years and switch to a contemporary hairstyle. When it comes to trends, I am a traditionalist. But occasionally, I will step outside my comfort zone and try something different.

Curiosity and the desire to try a new hairstyle led me to get my first and probably last weave. I call it a partial weave because I chose a female Mohawk style with twisted braids in the back and wavy curls stitched to my natural hair on top with appropriately placed bobby pins. It took me a day or two to get used to the new look, but I began to like it. Several of my relatives, friends, and neighbors told me that they liked it too. But there was one drawback to my new look. I’ll get to that.

Believe me when I tell you that I dislike fake. Fake nails. Fake lashes. Fake boobs and fake hair. Wigs, I know, are fake hair too, but I exclude them from my list of peeves because some people wear them more out of necessity than for vanity. And I admit, occasionally, when I want to change my appearance, I will wear a short wig.

Honestly, I have no problem with anyone who wants to go full-scale with fakery. Numerous celebrities wear weaves or extensions. Aside from the obvious like Oprah and Diana Ross, there is Tyra Banks, Rihanna, Beyonce, Nia Long, even Kim Kardashian. To see several more celebs who follow the trend, click this link and check out Styleblazer.

My intention is not to belittle weave wearers. I point out some things nearly to cite examples as I share my experience with you. If other folks want to wear weaves, let them weave on and God help them all should some unholy event put the hair industry out of business.

As for myself, I think that the next time I have the desire to temporarily change my look, I’ll just rely on my standby. Pull on a wig. No muss, no fuss, no fake hair sewed into my own, which took nearly 90 minutes for me to remove. But I am getting ahead of the story.

You are probably wondering. Since most weaves cost more than $100, why would I pay the equivalent of a steakhouse dinner including two desserts for a hairdo designed to last for several weeks and then remove it in 17 days? Because I liked the style when I got it and I would have kept it a while longer, except for one difficulty. The darn thing made my scalp itch — constantly.

At first, there was no problem, but after about the 3rd day the itching began. Around the temples, in the back of my head at the neckline (what we black folk often refer to as the kitchen) and finally, I was scratching and poking my head all over trying to relieve the itch. It was worse at night.

The itching was incessant. I tried everything from applying moisturizer to my scalp to frequent massages at points where I could poke my fingertips through the fake hair. Sometimes it got so bad that I went from gently patting my head to slapping it like I was swatting flies. One time, I nearly gave myself a concussion.

Scratching a weaved head is nearly impossible because the hair is so tightly entwined with your natural hair until it is hard to put a finger on the point of the itch. As much as I tried, I was unable to massage the top of my head with both hands simultaneously, but I could and did rub vigorously between each row of braids.

It didn’t matter if I stood in the shower and let cool water run over my head or if throughout the day I applied recommended scalp cleansers and conditioners to the scalp. The itch was a * * * * *.  Nevermind that. Sometimes I got relief by applying a thin layer of Benadryl along the hairline. The itching occurred periodically throughout the day, but night times were agony.

During the three weeks that I had the weave, I felt like my head was suffocating. I began to wonder if I was allergic to fake hair. One night I lay in bed miserable and thinking I am hostage to my hair. I wanted to take back my freedom.

The next day, I carefully and sometimes fervently cut out the weave from the top of my head. Clipping the threads sewn into my natural hair was a challenge because although my real hair is short, I didn’t want to end up with bald patches.

I liked the cornrows in the back and wanted to keep those, but the ends of the cornrows leading up to the crown were intertwined with the wavy curls on top. There was no way to keep the back intact after detaching the weave. I decided that everything had to go like a bargain basement clearance sale.

Afterward, I thoroughly washed my hair thrice (I know, I got carried away washing) and while doing so,  gave my head the best massage it has had in a long time. Suddenly, my scalp could breathe again.

I’ve done some research and learned that it is not uncommon for a weave to cause an itchy scalp. Although my scalp was not suffocating as I sometimes felt that it was, I learned, as I suspected, that lack of moisture and fresh air can cause an itchy scalp. Also, what I already knew was that improperly caring for the hair and scalp beneath a weave could cause mold or mildew to develop, and if left in too long the hair could become matted pulling off when the weave is removed. There is an excellent article on VIBE that gives additional insight on this subject.

Do I see another weave in my future? I’ve learned never to say never. But as for now, I’m back to me, and I’m feeling free.

 

 

 

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