Browsing Category The Way I See It

Reflections from the Other Side of the Hill

With retirement and advancing age comes the blessing of no longer having to play the games. What games? You ask. There are many. Some of them are easily eliminated when you are, as people like to refer to it, “over the hill.” But I will reflect on a couple.

Let’s start with working outside the home. When the opportunity to take an early retirement presented itself, I took it, albeit with some reluctance and much apprehension. Now, nearly ten years later, I consider myself blessed to have experienced an early retirement. Unfortunately, some people don’t live to see those carefree days.

Unless I fall-down on my luck, I can kiss-off job interviews, the workforce, and PITA (pain in the ass) bosses. Clarification is required here. Not all bosses are PITA. During my years spent in corporate America, I had some wonderful managers. I can honestly say that I loved at least one of them like a father. I worked for that man for ten years until he retired after which I found myself back in the labor pool swimming with the sharks and the backstabbers. Don’t get me wrong, I mingled with many good-hearted and wonderful people, too, and made some life-long friends.

Some of my worse memories are of being in a subordinate position to a couple of obviously unqualified managers whose negative character traits including racism and sexism were as evident as dog poop on the sidewalk. My job history and years of watching the gamers play taught me that just because someone has a prominent job title does not mean that he or she is qualified, proficient or principled. Intelligence is not always a requirement for a high position either. Anyone with the right backing and a base, no matter how unstable, can land the job. You could even become president.  Males are not always the culprits in the workforce either. Some women with authority can be more vicious than men.

I entered the workforce as a volunteer candy-striper at the long ago demolished Freedman’s Hospital, and I remained in the labor force for nearly 50 years. During the time before my escape to retirement freedom, I had some dream jobs and some duds. Now, I have no more demanding bosses, annoying co-workers, performance reviews, office politics, and boring staff meetings. And I have the opportunity to work from home when I want to.

While retirement brings some challenges – such is life – I find that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and as with everything maintaining a positive attitude is key.

Another game that I am happy to be out of is the dating game. Regardless, of the present-day dangers, the dating game is fun, exciting, and deemed essential for Gen Xers and Millennials. But for many mature adults with whom I have discussed the subject and who are old enough to remember when it was safer to wade into the dating pool, courting now is more hassle than it is worth. Even if my near 20-year relationship should end for whatever reason, (some things like death and taxes are beyond our control), then I am done with dating. If I have learned nothing else in all of my years, it is that I can be quite content by myself, doing my own thing.

There are numerous other rules of the game that can be tossed aside in retirement. I don’t have to worry about the routine of going to bed early or setting an alarm clock to get up in the morning. Barring unforeseen circumstances, I can get up when I want, go where I want to go, do what I want to do. I don’t have to put on work clothes every day, and I don’t have to deal with a daily commute and rush-hour traffic.

Above all, I have time to pursue the things that I enjoy, like learning new things, furthering my education, exercising, reading and writing.

My bucket list is rather short. It is not a copy of someone else’s objectives:  travel the world, ride a hot air balloon, participate in running with the bulls in Spain, or hike the Appalachian Trail. Topping my list is (1) remain spiritual, (2) maintain a positive attitude and (3) avoid letting negative people ruin my day. You see, what I mean? My list is uncomplicated and original, just like me.

More to come on the games of life in future posts.

 

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About Your Opinion

what's your opinion retro speech balloonListen up, opinionated people. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion. Some people hesitate to do that because they worry about what others may think or say about what they said. An opinion is just that – an opinion. And just like everybody has a brain, everyone has an opinion.

People often form opinions and judgments based on a variety of factors including personal life experiences. Sometimes just a gut feeling will persuade us to think one way or another. For instance, some people have the opinion that 45 is the great white hope. Others opine, based on what we’ve seen and heard, is that he is the devil’s disciple.

If you have an opinion and want to express it, then do it. Don’t feel intimidated by what “they” might say or think. People are going to say what they want to say about you whether you express your opinion or play deaf and dumb. Take that last sentence, for instance. The opinion of some people is that the phrase “deaf and dumb” should not be used because it could be considered offensive. Context people! Keep things in context, and you might avoid misconstruing what someone says. (Veering off-subject for a moment, I have to say that I agree with journalist Katy Tur whose opinion is that “This PC culture has run amok.)

If others have a difference of opinion about what you say, that’s okay. That’s their prerogative. Just like the adage “One man’s junk is another man’s treasure,” I say that “One person’s opinion may be another person’s nonsense, but it is still that person’s opinion.” You have a choice to consider an opinion that might differ from your own, or you can disregard it. Plain and simple.

If you are an opinionated person and other people are uncomfortable because you refuse to keep your opinion to yourself, that’s their problem. Don’t make it yours. Remember, you have as much right to your opinion as they do to theirs. If they think you are a loud-mouth because you make your thoughts known; you might think that they are wimps because they refuse to say what they are champing at the bit to say.

A strong opinion about something doesn’t always have to be made public. Sometimes a wise person will avoid expressing his or her opinion in order not to hurt someone’s feelings or be offensive. And because you may have a strong opinion it doesn’t mean that you can’t change your mind.

Years ago, I was an ardent proponent of the death penalty and didn’t mind discussing my position. My cousin, David, a vocal opponent, will tell you that he and I had great debates on that subject. All of the arguments against it did not change my mind. But in time, after considering numerous circumstances and studying the subject, I changed my opinion on capital punishment.

Be opinionated if you want to and be vocal. Opinions are not gospel and sometimes they are not fact-based. Nevertheless, it is wise to be adequately informed about what you speak instead of shooting blanks from the brain and out the mouth. And to buttress your position, keep in mind the words of Arnold H. Glasow, “The fewer the facts the stronger the opinion.”

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Funeral Etiquette 101

Coffin With Her Arms And Legs WalkingFor as long as I can remember, starting in my childhood, whenever a family friend or relative died my mom would send the family of the deceased a sympathy card. More often than not, it contained money. I never knew exactly how much she included with the card. I suspect it may have been a small amount, maybe 10 or 20 dollars. It might have been more; depending on what our family budget at the time would allow. Nonetheless, I recall that sometimes mom would write a brief message on a thoughtfully selected card and then set it aside without sealing it. When I would ask, “Aren’t you going to mail it?” she would usually say something like, “I can’t seal it yet. I’ve got to put some money in it.”

During my childhood, it was easy for me to understand why someone might include money with a birthday card. It’s a nice gift, especially for a youngster. Over the years, I received some such cards containing a few dollars from my parents, grandmother, a few favorite aunts, and uncles. I even recall occasionally getting a coin slot birthday card with dimes or other coins appropriately placed inside the card. (Are those still being manufactured?) Nevertheless, whenever I learned that someone we knew had died, my young mind went back to wondering why people include money with a sympathy card. And I would naively ask myself, “Is it to make the survivor feel better or the sender?”

When I became an adult, like numerous other benevolent deeds I learned from my mother; I followed the tradition of including money in a sympathy card for close friends and relatives. And although I have discovered that this is an ongoing custom observed by many people; the question of why do it has never left my mind.

As with other lessons learned while growing up, I came to understand that the planning, preparations, and costs for funeral services can be overwhelming; so including money with the sympathy card might help ease the financial burden on the bereaved, especially when there is no life insurance policy. But sometimes the devil’s advocate in me thinks that the practice is sacrilegious. And I realize that it sounds devilish to say what I am about to say (so I genuflect and cross myself before continuing), but — it’s like putting a value on the worth of the deceased.

The intent of some givers might be that their donation could help defray funeral expenses, buy flowers, or purchase food for the repass. I get it. As I said, I almost always include money with a condolence card out of habit, and each time I do it I ask myself the same question:  Why do we do this? This issue of whether it is proper to include money in a sympathy card has weighed on my mind for many years, so I decided to research the subject. What I discovered during my investigation and an unofficial survey, which included questioning some friends, is that as with most things, there are two schools of thought.

While many Protestants, Catholics and members of some other religions do it, the evidence is not conclusive. Opinions differ among people in various ethnic groups and communities.

Some people consider including money with a condolence card inappropriate or downright insulting. Instead, they donate to a charity in memory of the deceased, send flowers or simply send the family a card, sans a check or cash.

In a 1998 column in the Chicago Tribune, Ann Landers, (remember her) wrote that “Money or checks NEVER should be included in a card or letter of sympathy.”

To the contrary, in a 2007 NY Daily News Column, Harriette Cole, former creative director of Ebony magazine, lifestylist, author and branding coach of entertainers, entrepreneurs and business professionals wrote: “I think it’s perfectly fine to do so… If you are discreet.”

The jury is out on this one. As with every other issue, people have their own strong opinions. Some say it is inappropriate to send money. Others see nothing wrong with it. All-in-all, it is a personal decision. Whether or not to include a monetary gift with a sympathy card to help with funeral costs or simply as a kind gesture is up to the giver.

Trends change. People live and die. And life goes on.

 

 

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Examining the Good, Bad and Ugly Side of Who You Know

UntitledIt’s not what you know; it’s who you know. Before I was old enough to hold a job or understand the meaning of that statement, I heard it lobbed around often enough to be a team sport. And the ball remains in play.

A frustrated acquaintance recently said to me, “Someone can be as dumb as a doornail and get placed into a prominent position, or as smart as Einstein and be unemployed because he or she lacks the connections that Doornail has.”

I know numerous people who will attest to the fact that when it comes to employment, you don’t necessarily need skill, talent or brains to land a good job; not if you have connections. This is not to imply that education, abilities, and knowledge are unimportant. In fact, those qualities are essential for people who don’t “know someone.” But this post is not about folks who get what they want by going through the standard process. It’s about the advantage of knowing someone with pull, someone who can open doors for you; someone who can help you skip the usual process and get what you want.

If there is any place in the world where the maxim holds true, it’s in the Nation’s Capital where power-players rule. Take a walk along K Street, Pennsylvania Avenue, or any place in the city’s business district and the smell of nepotism and cronyism is stronger than rotting fish. But the who-you-know principle is not only applicable to powerbrokers and political bigwigs; it can work for anyone who knows the right people.

When I was a child, on a few occasions my dad took me to see the Washington Senator’s baseball team play at Griffith Stadium. Back then, it was easier for a poor black person to score big in the illegal numbers racket than to get tickets to a sporting event at the stadium. Nevertheless, dad occasionally got tickets to the ballgames from his brother, Al, who received them from his then boss, who owned a string of parking lots in the city. Point – dad knew someone who knew someone.

Then there was the time, as a young adult, when I was hired to work as a secretary/receptionist, in a small office with one other woman. I will call her Angela. Perhaps because we were very close in age after she hired me, Angela and I became fast friends, and I soon became her confidant. She told me that she used to be the secretary for the man who was president of the organization where we were employed. Let’s call him Mr. Doe. When the company, headquartered in another city, opened a branch office in DC, Mr. Doe placed Angela in the position of vice president and office manager of the new office.

During the first several months that I worked there, I watched Angela struggling (some would call it  ‘fronting’) during meetings and fretting afterward.  She would (figuratively) cry on my shoulder and saying how inept she felt when interacting with the more knowledgeable executives from other firms. She may have also cried on the shoulder of her former boss because eventually, Mr. Doe hired another person (another vice president who I will call Julie). I think Mr. Doe’s plan and that of other officials at headquarters was that Julie would serve as a buffer for Angela while she learned the specifics of the industry.

It soon became evident that Julie knew her job very well, too well. Clients began praising Julie to Angela, Mr. Doe and others at the firm. Unbeknownst to Julie, the more accolades she received the more insecure it made Angela feel.

Angela’s obvious envy of Julie led her to begin concocting lies that resulted in Julie’s firing within the year. This is not hearsay, I watched the drama unfold and to this day regret that I did not speak up for Julie for fear of losing my job. That’s water under the bridge now; but being older and wiser today, if I saw Julie or anyone else getting thrown under the bus, I would speak up on their behalf.

Angela was hired for a job for which she had no qualifications by someone who pulled strings to get her in that spot. Had she been required to follow procedure and apply for the VP position like other applicants, most likely her lack of credentials and experience would have prevented her from jumping directly from a secretarial position to VP.

Knowing the right people can not only give you access to jobs, high-demand tickets to concerts and sporting events, it may also get you access to covetable social functions. Keep in mind, if you know the right people, and you lack the chutzpa of the Salahis (The husband and wife gatecrashed a White House dinner in 2009, despite not being on the official guest list.), with the right connections, you may get to socialize with high profile personalities at an event to which you weren’t officially invited.

One day, a few years after I had left the job mentioned above, an associate gave me a ticket to a $500 a plate fundraiser luncheon that was taking place at one of DC’s finest hotels. You read it right — $500 a plate. My benefactor, a lawyer, and smart businesswoman was married to a prominent man in local government. While offering me the ticket, she told me that she would not be able to attend the luncheon because an important meeting had been scheduled after she purchased the ticket, and she needed to be at that meeting. When she sensed my hesitancy to accept the gift, she said, “It’s an excellent networking opportunity for an upward mobile young woman.” I accepted the ticket and attended the luncheon.

Sometimes, I think that God assigned the Guardian Angel of Opportunity to look after me because throughout my lifetime I’ve been fortunate to meet many people –prominent and ordinary — with connections who have helped me along the way.

In an excellent article published in Psychology Today, Dr. Fredric Neuman wrote, “I like to think that competence is the most important determinant of professional success.” I agree with Dr. Neuman, but knowing people or knowing people who know people is an asset too.

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Politics Makes Strange Bedfellows

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“Politics makes strange bedfellows.” Charles Dudley Warner 

I am a huge fan of political programs. Although I realize that politics and political discussion is a lightening rod for some folks, sometimes I like to talk about it anyway with close friends and associates.

This morning I was watching “#AMJoy” on MSNBC. Host, Joy Reid, held a discussion with Rep. Cedric Richmond (D-LA), Chairman of the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC). Primarily, the topic concerned the refusal of the CBC to meet with 45 at the White House. Rep. Richmond stated that although some members of the caucus may meet with Trump individually, the caucus as a whole will not.

Citing that the CBC is working to address serious issues, Rep. Richmond said, “We don’t have time to be part of a social gathering and unorganized meeting with 50 or 60 people.” He further asserted that “the Trump administration has taken steps to hurt the black community.” Cuts in social programs and other obscured activities will not only encumber numerous black people, but programs beneficial to underprivileged and medium income people of all races are on the chopping block. Apparently, CBC members are concerned that a meeting at the White House would be nothing more than a disguised photo opportunity for 45.

Omarosa Magigault, the Big O in the White House aka Omarosa, accuses members of the CBC of “showboating.” Previously a contestant on Trump’s TV reality program “Apprentice” Omarosa now has a position in the White House and an official title as director of communications for the Office of Public Liaison. Far beyond the White House fence, some people view her simply as the HSICN (head sister in charge of nothing) put in place merely as a puppet to give the illusion that 45 desires to bridge a perceptible widening racial divide.

Although other black celebs, among them, Jim Brown, Bob Johnson, and Steve Harvey, have raised eye-brows and fallen into disfavor with some black people for meeting with Trump, none seem to incur as much ire as the Big O.

Omarosa alleges that by declining to meet with Trump, CBC leaders are ignoring their opportunity to address issues relevant to the black community. On the other hand, her adversaries disregard anything and everything that the Big O says. They see her merely as a fish out of water that, over time, flip-flopped from being a scheduler for Al Gore in the Clinton Administration to what one associate refers to as a “contemporary female version of Stepin Fetchit” in the White House.

Sometimes it’s best to avoid lightening strikes whenever possible.

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