My two-cents worth and then some. An online journal by LP Brown.

Browsing Category The Way I See It

Free to be: You and Me

by on ·Opinion, The Way I See It

Freedom Of SpeechWarning:  This is an expression of freedom of speech. If you have a problem with the First Amendment, do not read beyond this point.

“I am sorry to have to say this, but … . ” That’s the way some people preface a statement that they expect will be unfavorably received. Or they might say “I regret what I am about to say … ” and then proceed to express their true feelings. A conscientious person making an unpopular statement might apologize beforehand because he or she wants it understood that being mean-spirited is not necessarily the intention.That person just wants to express genuine feelings. My thinking is why apologize in advance for what you are about to say if you are being honest? No matter what any of us says — at any time or on any subject — there will be someone who disagrees with it.

In our anything goes, politically correct obsessed society, truthfully expressing our own personal beliefs is often discouraged and sometimes considered to be downright rude. Accepting reasonable restrictions — like slander, libel, and death threats — people should be free to speak their mind.

I’ve used the preceding 189 words to explain why I am going to say exactly what I want to say here, and if anyone disagrees with me that’s your prerogative. You – just like I – have a God given and First Amendment right to think what you want and express how you feel. As long as I respect your right to exercise that action, then I expect to be shown the same consideration.

Personally, I try hard to avoid saying anything to intentionally hurt someone’s feelings, but if speaking what others perceive as harsh and unkind words is you being you and expressing your truth — then that is your right. If your words are perceived to be racist, sexist, or homophobic and saying them publicly — or in what you thought was privacy — results in a backlash against you, then your right has been infringed. It is as much your right to speak your piece as it is for anyone else to speak theirs.

Time and again a public figure steps in deep s*#t for making comments deemed by a vocal majority be inappropriate. Just ask Don Imus, Paula Deen, Phil Robinson, and Donald Sterling. Some notable persons are even criticized for posting unacceptable comments on social media, e.g., Derrick Ward. And you don’t have to be famous to be in the foot-in-the-mouth club. Any number of persons from unknown John Does to shifty CEO’s, have been heard making so-called unacceptable statements; but because they are low on the societal totem pole, we rarely hear about their gaffes. And I won’t even discuss offensive hip-hop lyrics right now.

Hurtful remarks have been made against people in various groups since the beginning of time, but until society produces an Orwellian force of thought police — fining offenders, firing them from their job, or making other feeble attempts to stop them will be fruitless. People are entitled to their personal beliefs and freedom of speech.

Remember the rhyme “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” I’ll be the first to tell you that sometimes words do hurt. During my lifetime, I have been hurt by being called the N word and other negatives. I hated it, but it was that person’s right to say it, just as it was my right to retort as I saw fit.

It is apparent and unfortunate that many people — especially public figures — feel free to self-censor themselves, to speak or write only those things that conform to groupthink. What is even more obvious and sad is that the U.S. Constitutional guaranteed First Amendment liberties – unalienable rights – including life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness – are rapidly being disassembled under a morally bankrupt and crumbling society.

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The preceding page is from my forthcoming book, A Whistling Tea Kettle and other Sounds of Life. If you would like to be notified when the book is available, please provide your email by clicking this button

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Tabloid Talk Shows and the People They Love

by on ·Entertainment, Lifestyle and Culture, Opinion, The Way I See It

Cameraman Works In The Studio - Recording Show In Tv StudioHave you ever wondered what possesses people to go on TV programs like Maury, Steve Wilkos, and The Jerry Springer Show, and make jackasses of themselves? Those shows are difficult to watch, which is why I usually don’t, but who hasn’t heard about them?

When I was twenty-something, I, like a lot of people in that age group — then and now — wanted to be on television. Being in the right place at the right time, and carrying myself in the ladylike manner my mother taught me, opened doors for me to a few appearances on the small screen. Hold up a moment — I KNOW you’ve never heard of me. I didn’t say I achieved stardom, I said I made appearances. Now, if you are one of those who climbed on your high horse before I finished explaining, climb down as I continue.

My first TV appearance was in 1973. I was working at the Pentagon, as a civilian telephone operator for the Department of the Army, and my supervisor selected me and a couple of other operators to represent our department on a telethon. Participants were told to avoid wearing certain colors (as I recall those were black, white and red), apparently the camera dislikes those colors. I complied and wore my favorite loud green pantsuit to make sure that my family and friends could see me among the numerous other volunteers from different agencies. They saw me. I think everybody in the home viewing audience  spotted me. Maybe loud green should have been included in the list of colors to avoid wearing.

My next TV appearance was in 1983. I actually got to speak. My two children and I were featured on a program called Saturday Magazine, broadcast weekly on CBS. The show profiled two single parent families in the area; my family and another divorced mother and her children. Not only were both our families followed and filmed for a few hours (sort of like an abridged version of a reality TV show), we were also summoned to sit in the live studio audience when the segment aired. My copy of that taped program will be passed down to my children’s children as a keepsake relevant to our family history.

Speaking of live audiences, my sister-in-law, Barbara, and I were in the audience of Oprah‘s show, on November 9, 1987, when the talk show queen taped a program about the Challenger Shuttle disaster.

Aside from those occasions, I’ve been stopped and interviewed periodically by reporters on the street, about whatever newsworthy event they are covering. I do my best to speak intelligently, especially when there is a camera in my face, unlike some of the folks on tabloid TV who I don’t think put forth any effort or they just don’t know better. Is it obvious to anyone else that these shows target a certain demographic?

That brings me back to my question:  What possesses people to go on tabloid talk shows and make fools of themselves? Saturday Night Live’s former Church Lady would probably say, “Satan.”  But seriously, what?

Unlike celebrities who are usually paid guests on conventional talk programs, regular people – including the bozos and bozetts who appear on tabloid talk shows – do not get paid. The program pays their airfare and hotel expenses. That’s it. So, what reasons, aside from attention-starvation or a narcissistic personality disorder, would make tabloid junkies go on these outrageous shows and act up? You tell me. Click the comment box below and add your two cents to mine.

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Anonymous Speaks: The Tongue-Waggers

by on ·General, Opinion, The Way I See It

Anonymous vector signSometimes I blog about topics that have been nagging me for a while; on other occasions, I write about whatever subject comes to mind when I sit down at the computer. There is always something to write about. When ideas don’t come to me off the top of my head, I rely on the media. It offers a wealth of topics. But occasionally someone will leave a note on my blog on the “What do you want me to write about?” tab, and suggest that I write about a certain subject. Often the subject is something they want to get off of their chest.

You read it right. They want me to write it, so that they can vent – through me; as if I don’t already catch enough flack from expressing my own opinions. But admit it, that’s what opinionated people do. We opine. You do it. I do it. Everybody does it. And so – on behalf of those who may not have their own public platform, or perhaps have not been blessed with the gift of gab (in this case, relevant to writing), or are just reluctant to put themselves in the crossbow like one of Olivia Pope’s gladiators (certainly, you’ve heard the saying ‘Fools rush in…’) — for those cautious souls, I’ve started a series called Anonymous Speaks. The first entry follows.

 

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 Some people talk a good game. In fact, that’s all they do is talk, talk, talk. Rarely do they follow through with any action. They are the ultimate wolf ticket sellers, the tongue-waggers. They constantly boast about what they could or would do (while sometimes cunningly suggesting what someone else should do). Tongue-waggers lead others to believe that they are workhorses, but they seldom run anything except their mouth. The only track record they have is for spewing hot air.

Most of us know someone like them. (Raise your hand if you are one of them. Couldn’t trip you up, huh? But you know who you are.) Tongue-waggers are found anywhere and everywhere. There is always at least one in social clubs, in churches, and they are all over the workplace. They impress some people because they talk a good game, but if you study them you will notice that they rarely do anything; and volunteer for something? Ha! Does a snowman sunbathe?

Understandably, this ticks off self-starters, because their sharp eyes easily spot people who have a lot of mouth, but do nothing but flap their lips. Tongue-waggers seldom display any ability or willingness to assume responsibility. As my anonymous critic says about them, “People like that talk the talk, but when it comes time to walk – they are nowhere to be found.” They stand out like a black coffee stain on a white shirt, and should be awarded an Oscar bearing the proverbial inscription, “Every ass loves to hear himself bray.”

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Minding the P’s and Q’s of Online Etiquette

by on ·Baby Boomers, Social Media, Technology, The Way I See It

Background concept wordcloud illustration of etiquette“Say it forget it; write it regret it.” My first time hearing those prophetic words was when Judge Marilyn Milian spoke them on The People’s Court. Everyone – especially socialmedialites – would be wise to remember them.

According to the Pew Research Center, as a baby boomer, I am in the lower percentage of social media users. Pew also accurately points out that although I have accounts with Twitter and other social media sites,  Facebook is my website of choice.

This blog subject could be applicable to nearly any social networking site, because online or Internet etiquette (sometimes called netiquette) should be as second nature to well-mannered people as brushing your teeth. And while there are undoubtedly more people practicing good dental hygiene than there are displaying bad online etiquette, you can bet you floss that the latter are gaining ground.

Regularly visiting my Facebook page is as routine for me as going to the gym. And I post often. Sometimes several times a day. I prefer posting positive, motivational and inspirational information, and humorous things. As a news junkie, I frequently share articles about current events. And like many of my FB friends, once in a while I’ll toot my own horn by posting a photo depicting some activity I’m involved in, but I dislike doing selfies and you will rarely see me post one. What I enjoy most is engaging in wholesome conversations with my cyberfriends, just as I do with friends and acquaintances off line. I am no fan of trivial conversations, but I find them easier to deal with than the one thing that is obvious and disturbing — incivility. It is just as prevalent online as it is in the physical world.

In face-to-face contacts we are often able to determine from body language, facial expressions, and vocal inflection if someone is understanding – or misunderstand us; agreeing or disagreeing. Such nonverbal communication is nearly impossible to interpret online.

William Shakespeare wrote “A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.” Gender-consciousness aside, my translation of that wisdom is that no one knows everything and we all can learn something. There was no Internet in Shakespeare’s day, but I see his statement as profoundly relevant to Internet etiquette. That’s why I am sharing these Eight Rules for Practicing Internet Etiquette. I think of them as words to the wise. Whichever shoe fits, wear it.

  1. Respect.  Good manners and respect go hand-in-hand, even on line. We should respect the right of others to disagree with us as well as honor their right to their own opinions.
  2. Think twice. Think once about what you write and again before clicking that send button, because after your words are launched into cyperspace you cannot take them back.
  3. Use discretion, always, in all online activities, and do not assume anything. Whether you know it or not the Internet is monitored for various reasons by law enforcement agencies, cybercriminals, and others. My number one rule is – Do not share any information or photos on line that you would not share with friends or associates off line.
  4. Avoid using all caps. Some people don’t know this but writing in all capital letters online signifies SHOUTING in internet communication. An occasional capitalized word or phrase for emphasize is okay, but persistently writing in all caps is considered inappropriate behavior.
  5. Reciprocate.  Some people have their FB privacy features set to prevent others from writing or commenting on their timeline, yet, they freely comment on the timelines of their friends. Give as good as you get.
  6. Be honest. Lies are encumbering. They command attention like a high maintenance woman. You have to remember a lie – being truthful eliminates the burden of having to remember a lie.
  7. Be neither defensive nor take offense. Some people are offended by things that other people post on their own timeline. Unless someone addresses you by name and taunts you like a cyber bully, don’t take it personally. Ignore it. If someone makes a threat against you that’s different; you need to contact the law. But if you merely feel intimidated by something that someone wrote on their timeline that was not addressed to you or about you, don’t respond negatively. Doing so simply shows that you are paranoid, insecure or envious. If something you see bothers you, ignore it.
  8. Say it forget it; write it regret it. Once you submit an electronic message, whether in an e-mail, text, or as a post to a social networking site, it will be stored on servers all over the place for others to read, and you won’t be able to take back your words. Even if you intend for something that you write or that picture of you in your birthday suit to be private, don’t put it on line. It will become very public and may be seen by people you never intended to see it — forever.

 

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Sowing the Wind

by on ·General, Lifestyle and Culture, Opinion, The Way I See It

Man-And-Woman-Are-Partners-37854079Some men father so many out-of-wedlock children by different women that they need a scorecard to keep up with all their baby mamas. The trend has become so prevalent that sociologists are calling the hit-it-and-run baby makers serial fathers. And they are not all athletes and entertainers. Many are minimum wage earners like the 33 year old Nashville, Tennessee man  who fathered 22 children by 14 women. Then, following his child support hearing, boasted that he has signed a deal for a reality TV show.

Wait a minute. Before men who are reading this start shouting, “Male bashing!” press the pause button while I put on my equal opportunity cap, and I’ll share information about us women.

A controversial study by Cassandra Dorius, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, reveals that “overall, 28% of women with two or more children had children by different men.” Not likely mentioned in the study is the Florida single mom with 15 children who, while on TV a few months ago after being evicted, naively asked, “Who’s gonna take care of all these kids?”

There is no parallel in these situations, and I am not judging. What I am doing is thinking — out loud and publicly — about how nontraditional relationships between people who are not related are sometimes resulting in nontraditional unions between relatives who are the offspring of those relationships. Follow me? If not, don’t worry, you’ll catch up.

The sexual revolution that began in the 1960’s irrefutably increased the acceptance of sex outside of marriage. Since then, intercourse for procreation has become secondary to sex for recreation, and in some cases children are often the unplanned result of those liaisons.

Having biological children with more than one partner is now as common as apps on Smartphones. Do you ever wonder about the potential consequences of so many blood relatives scattered all over?  Ever contemplate the probability of kinfolk unknowingly marrying each other? It happens.

It happened to Valerie Spruill who married her own father. The mother of three only learned the truth from a DNA test, six years after her husband died.

It happened to twins who were separated at birth, adopted by different parents, and only after they met as adults and married each other did they become aware of their blood relationship.

The whole issue of baby making –scattering seeds — is complicated, even for sperm donors. For all the good it does, sperm donor donations can subsequently wreck havoc on the lives of the children it produces and the donors themselves. Ask the man who unsuspectingly married his sister – if you can find him. He refuses to disclose his identity.

Or ask the sperm donor who produced a now four year old daughter for a lesbian couple and even after waiving his parental rights was still ordered to pay child support for his “good deed.”

There is a happy ending – or some might say beginning — for two Tulane University friends, both of whom have sperm donor fathers. They met in college and learned that they are actually half sisters.

You can bet your binky that there is a study underway somewhere to determine how often marriages occurred between siblings who didn’t know that they were related, whether they were conceived in the traditional way or through in vitro fertilization.  On the other hand, you will find people arguing against impropriety in relatives marrying, based on the premise that the world was populated through incest via Adam and Eve and their descendants, thereby making us all blood relatives. But that is a live wire and I’m leaving it alone.

Some people consider IVF as interference with God’s natural order and as sinful as fornication. Others argue that God has no problem with the former. One day, I thoughtlessly asked an atheist friend her thoughts on the issue and got an answer typical of her, “God who?”

I often wonder what will be the long term results of this seed scattering phenomenon. One thing is certain, everything we do is a cause set in motion and no matter how small the act may seem it will ultimately have an effect on everyone involved.

 

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