family reunion – Potpourri101

A Celebration of Life

by L Parker Brown on February 18, 2018·Family

Written by Velda Holmes

Guest Author

Several years ago, I went to the funeral of a co-worker. There were a few tears shed, but mostly there was laughter, smiles, and heads nodding in agreement with something said that was spot-on. A celebration of a life that had touched many people in a positive way. I left that funeral thinking, “Isn’t this the way it should be? He would’ve wanted it that way.”

The recent passing of a beloved cousin, Akintunde Kenyatta, made me reflect on that funeral.

I believe it was early 2007 or 2008 when Akintunde reached out to my Aunt Mildred. He was searching for the Parkers. (His dad’s side of the family.) Aunt Mildred’s husband, Willie Parker, was one of nine Parker siblings. Unfortunately, my aunt had to inform Akintunde that her husband had passed away, but his two brothers, Alton and Allen Parker, lived in North Carolina.

Akintunde contacted them, and I happened to be at my Uncle Allen’s home when he visited. As is my nature, I was immediately suspicious. Who is this cat? I wondered. No “Kenyettas” in the family that I know of. Hummpf, this joker is a flimflam man!

He laid out his roots, starting with his father, Chesterfield. At the mention of that name, my uncle perked up. Yes, he knew his dad! Both men smiled and talked for a long while. I knew then; this was “legit” as they say.

From then on, there were phone calls, lots of jokes, Facebook posts, shared family history, and pictures. Akintunde was passionate about family. In turn, we became passionate about him. He brought fun and joy wherever he went. He came to every annual Parker family reunion he could. The most recent one took place in October 2017, at Virginia Beach. It was special because we were not sure if he would attend because by now he was putting up a good fight with his illness. A fight, we were all sure if anyone could beat, it would be him. We were in the fight with him, too. Praying, sending flowers, sending cards, blowing up his Facebook page. “That’s right,” we all said constantly. “God is still in control.”

In spite of ill health, he came to the reunion. He was visibly frail and weak, but still flashing that sunshine smile. His attendance was special because he met another cousin who he had met only once before, Loretta Brown, who, as it turns out, had not been to a reunion herself in several years. Thanks to modern technology we all shared antidotes, pictures, and ideas via Facebook, so meeting in person was an added treat.

Sadly, 72-year-old Akintunde passed away a few days ago. We will miss him terribly. We search for favorite photos of him, little drawings he made (he liked to draw) and other memorable items. There is so much that we can say about him, like how much he loved his wife, Kim. He was a BIG Baltimore Ravens fan. All of the family is still in awe of the feat he performed about three years ago. He went skydiving.

He was a musician, an awesome brother, a super proud father, grandfather, a great friend, and a loving human being. He has taken his place now among the elders. I believe that many of our family members reading this will be nodding their heads in agreement, and smiling and laughing in celebration of his life. He would want it that way.

*** To see comments about this post, click the word “Responses” beneath the line. Also, click on the picture of Alton, Akintunde, and Allen to see additional comments.

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An Unforgettable Night at the Family Reunion

by L Parker Brown on October 25, 2017·Family, Lifestyle and Culture

Until this past weekend, I had not attended a family reunion on my daddy’s side in 20 years. My twin grandsons were 18 months old then. I still remember their great Uncle Henry cheerfully pushing the double trouble around the room in their stroller while joking that, “These are my boys.” Some family members played along, “Sure they are.” Although he never had children of his own, Uncle Henry doted on his nieces and nephews, and we loved him dearly.

Parker Family Reunion 1994. I'm standing at the mic beside my Uncle Alton. — Parker Family Reunion 1994. I’m standing at the mic beside my Uncle Alton.

Virginia Beach was the ideal venue chosen for the 60^th Parker Family Reunion which took place last weekend. God and Mother Nature must have conspired to make it a wonderful and memorable weekend for us. Balconies in our beachfront hotel rooms presented a picturesque waterfront view of the coastline and daytime temperatures, in the mid-70s, made me feel guilty about complaining about the humidity. Who would have thought that near the end of October people would be walking barefoot in the sand or splashing in the cool water as if it were mid-July? I even spotted someone kitesurfing on Saturday morning.

The banquet that evening was delightful, and although I was unable to stay for the duration, the time while I was there was heartwarming. Everyone appeared to be enjoying themselves. At one point, I realized that I was humming the O’Jays song Family Reunion. That song is a classic, and it should be the official family reunion anthem.

Always the sentimentalist, my joy was briefly diminished when my mind stopped playing the anthem and switched on a mental slideshow. Flashing on the screen were faces of some of my uncles, aunts, and other deceased family members including my dad and mom and cousin, Vincent, who left us a few short months ago. I wished they all could have been there. Perhaps in spirit, they were. As life will have it, at future reunions, someone probably will be thinking the same thing about those of us who were present this time.

Unlike a tear-jerking funeral or an invitation-only wedding, the family reunion is open to all family members, and some bring friends. Barring any longstanding resentments or feuds that turn into drunken brawls (to my knowledge that has never happened at any of our reunions), the reunion is often a joyful event where everyone shares old stories and creates memories for new ones.

Speaking of sharing stories, let me tell you what made my first night during reunion weekend unforgettable. Until now, no one except my son knows about it.

My life tends to follow a norm; a trip for me would not be a trip without some drama, or as my son might call what happened on Friday night — comic relief.

After a nearly 7 hour ride from DC to Virginia Beach – extended by two planned stops and a number of nerve-wracking traffic jams – my son and I arrived at the hotel around 7:30 p.m. We placed our luggage in the room, and stopped briefly in the Hospitality Suite before going back out to get some dinner. We arrived back at the Hospitality Suite around 9. After about an hour chatting and laughing about old times, fatigue from a long day caught up with me, so I excused myself and retired to my room.

I changed into my pj’s, and before going to bed closed the drapes. That made the room nearly pitch black except for the small green light on the smoke detector and the pumpkin orange numbers laminating the digital clock on the bedside table. My son who was sharing the room came in around 11:30, after hanging out with his uncle, and went to his bed on the side of the room near the balcony. Within minutes he was sound asleep and snoring like a gas weedwacker passing and revving.

As much as I wanted sleep, sleep didn’t want me. I tossed and turned and turned and tossed as the night wore on. At one point, I was lying flat on my back staring at the dark ceiling. I tried to avoid looking at the clock because I didn’t want to know how late – or how early in the morning it was. When I finally did a side-eye peek, it was 2:15 a.m. My intuition told me to get up and check the door to make sure that the swing lock was on. It wasn’t. I swung the metal arm over the peg onto the door-face securing it.

I’ve always had trouble falling asleep in a strange place and Friday night was no exception. If I dozed at all, I might have catnapped for about 30 seconds, but I don’t think so. I even ran out of sheep.

I was suddenly startled by the sound of the door bumping loudly against the swing lock. Someone was trying to enter the room. On the wall in front of my bed, near the corner, I could see a ribbon of pale light extending floor to ceiling. I determined that it was the hallway light showing through the crack in the door.

“WHO IS THERE?” I yelled so loudly that my son sat straight up in his bed as I was scurrying to the foot of mine like a Trump supporter running full-speed away from a Black Lives Matter rally.

“What happened?” My son asked excitedly. “What’s wrong?”

“Someone opened the door,” I said while rushing to the door that was now closed. I turned the double lock and then switched on the bathroom light. As I was returning to bed, my son, apparently in a groggy state of disbelief walked to the foot of his bed, looked toward the door and then looked at me.

“No one opened that door,” he said and added, “You were probably dreaming.” Then he returned to his bed and in no time was wacking weeds again. I, on the other hand, was more awake than before.

Some other person’s curiosity would have led them to open the door to see if someone was running down the hallway away from the room, but my mama didn’t raise any fools. As long as whoever it was was on the other side of the door and I was in the room, no problem. We were good.

“I wasn’t dreaming,” I whispered. While still waiting for the sandwoman to come and sprinkle anything that would put me to sleep, I began to wonder. Had I dozed off and dreamed that someone opened the door? I was sure that I heard the sound of the door bang against the metal lock. Whoever it was turned the door handle and probably thinking that the swing lock was unsecured pushed too hard against the door causing the loud noise that rattled me.

I was still awake 20 minutes after that. Since I had not brought my Kindle to read and grew tired of scrolling FB on my iPhone, I got up, went and sat on the side of the bathtub and began writing this blog post which I finished a few days later.

Before I realized it, it was 3:51 a.m. I knew I needed to get some sleep if I was to join my sister and cousin, Pat, to walk the boardwalk at 8:30 in the morning as we’d planned. So, I returned to bed thinking and began praying that I’d get to Snoozeville before dawn.

I must have had a Jesus intervention because the last time I remember glancing at the clock, it was 4 a.m. The next time was when I awakened around 7. I said good morning to my son who was standing at the balcony door looking outside.

“You should come over and see the beautiful sunrise.” He said. He made no mention of the door incident until later in the morning when he insisted that I dreamed about the door being opened and then walked in my sleep to the foot of the bed. I, on the other hand, know that it was not a dream and I don’t sleepwalk.

That’s my unforgettable memory of reunion weekend, and I’m sticking to it.

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Family Reunion Planner: When You are IT

by L Parker Brown on September 22, 2017·Family, Lifestyle and Culture

“Consider the efforts of the planner.” That is a sincere request from my cousin, Velda Parker. Velda has been a planner and assistant planner for the Parker Family Reunion for years, and she wants every family member to heed those words each year when reunion time rolls around.

Family members usually look forward to the reunion as an opportunity to socialize with close kin and reconnect with distant relatives, but few have any idea how much work goes into pulling the event together. Nor do they understand the angst the planner experiences when she must constantly appeal to those planning to attend the function to send in their contribution before the deadline. Family reunions like most other worthwhile activities incur expenses and for the planner having the required funds and meeting deadlines is essential.

Anyone who has had the responsibility for organizing a family reunion or has simply lent a helping hand knows that it can be a headache. Like, Velda, I’ve worn both hats, and our hands-on experiences have given us an education for which some folks are willing to pay.

Family reunion planning is big business. So much so that numerous convention and visitors bureaus across the country hold annual family reunion planning seminars and workshops.

Orchestrating a family reunion isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be as daunting a task as some might think it is. Even a first-time planner, with organizational skills and (ideally) someone to share the load, can produce a function so enjoyable that your family will talk about it for years.

Here are some pointers for producing a memorable reunion.

Don’t try to do it all by yourself, ask for help. Unless you choose to assume the responsibility of managing all aspects of the reunion, it is a good idea to form a committee (or committees) to assume some of the following tasks: locating a venue and negotiating accommodations; collecting contributions and maintaining a budget; assuming responsibility for meals, music, and entertainment at the banquet; making name tags, tee shirts, and shopping for raffle prizes and gift bag items. Another committee could be responsible for organizing entertainment, games or other activities.

Heads Up: Forming committees is easier said than done. Usually, folks are eager to participate in the fun and activities at the reunion, but rarely volunteer to work toward making the event happen. So, don’t be surprised if you cannot get committee volunteers. Carry on.

Decide on a reasonable amount to charge each participant. Ideally, the combined contributions of all family members will cover the down payment and other hotel costs. It will pay for postage stamps (to send information to those without email). Expenses for a DJ or other musical accommodations, including a podium, a microphone, and decorations in the banquet room, if desired, will all come from the combined fees paid by family members. Their contribution will also cover the cost of prizes, souvenirs, raffle tickets, and other unplanned incidentals.

Heads Up: Be reasonable, but fair. People who live in proximity to the town or city where the reunion is held may bear less expense than those who must travel from distant cities. Some folks who will incur travel costs may balk at being asked to donate more than the cost of a jumbo pizza with a side order of buffalo wings, but you don’t want to have to spend a lot of your own money to cover additional expenses for the reunion. I don’t know a single reunion organizer, including Velda and myself, who has not had to spend a considerable amount of our own money to ensure a successful reunion. So unless you have Mark Zuckerberg deep pockets request a practical contribution (set fee) from family members. Folks who want to attend the event will find a way.

Send out the announcement letter at least a year in advance; this gives people time to set-aside funds for the reunion. Years ago, I used snail-mail to inform family members about the planned reunion. Today I would send out a contact group email and snail-mail only those who are unreachable online. When I snail-mailed the announcement, I enclosed in the envelope a preprinted postcard. The card gave information about the place where the planned reunion would be held and offered a choice of two-weekend dates for the event. Recipients were asked to indicate a first and second choice and then return the postcard to me by the deadline indicated on the card. Easy enough to drop the completed postcard in the mail. You’d think. Although most people returned the card promptly, some left me hanging for weeks or responded only after a second notice. After I received most of the cards, I planned the reunion for the date favored by the majority.

Selecting a hotel. When scouting for a hotel, it is a good idea to check-out different ones in the area and determine who will give you the best group rate. Be sure to ask whether they offer a free breakfast; free parking accommodations; a hospitality suite; Wi-Fi; do they have a gym; and what other amenities are available. Much of that information is also (usually) available online.

If you can, set up a site visit to inspect the hotel, do so. Sometimes this isn’t practical especially if you live in a different city. So you will likely be making all negotiations and arrangements over the phone.

Once you make a decision, you’ll sign a contract finalizing the booking. Read the contract closely before signing it. Determine how many rooms you think you’ll need, but don’t block an excessive number of rooms, because you may be penalized with a hefty fee if a number of the rooms go unbooked by the deadline.

If you fill a certain number of rooms, some hotels will offer a complimentary room (that you can use a Hospitality Suite) at no additional cost. A Hospitality Suite is a private room that is used as a hangout space for the attendees of your family reunion. At our reunion in Burlington, I asked that a card table is set up in the Hospitality Suite and we used that table to play card games (like a favorite – bid whist). We even held a bid whisk tournament which, for the record, was won by my brother, Chico, and Uncle James.

Plan accordingly for activities. Try to include something for all age groups. Consider that there will be seniors as well as youngsters attending the event. At one reunion, we played volleyball in the park on the Saturday early afternoon before the banquet.

Try to avoid having the banquet dinner late in the evening. Many people may not want to be sitting down for dinner at 7 or 8 p.m. The hours between 4- 6 would allow folks time to enjoy the meal and any entertainment (like a talent show) and then, those who don’t want to dance the rest of the night away can return to their room.

And a few last tips:

As a courtesy, you may want to create a “Things to Do” sheet listing nearby parks, eateries, shopping malls, or other local attractions and sightseeing spots. Make sure to leave some copies in the Hospitality Suite.

For our family reunion in Burlington in 1995, I prepared a souvenir booklet. There was also a video made at the banquet. Such treasures enable guests to revisit the occasion through the years. However, since nearly every man, woman, and child now has a cell phone, many people will undoubtedly take their own photos and videos, so it would be unnecessary to incur an additional expense for a photographer or videographer.

If you have programming knowledge (or a relative who does) you can create a Family Reunion Website; your FRW would make information available online to family members in an efficient manner. Depending on the site design, your computer savvy family members can register and make their contribution, get updates on the reunion plans and see a list of who’s coming. A Facebook page could also serve some of these purposes.

Finally, some hotels will include a welcome on the marquee sign at the entrance to the property for your family reunion. Ask if this free service would be available for your group. It won’t hurt to inquire about signage outside the Banquet Room and Hospitality Suite as well.

Now while you are digesting all of that, sit back and enjoy this video from the Reed & Puryear Family Reunion.

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