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Tabloid Talk Shows and the People They Love

Cameraman Works In The Studio - Recording Show In Tv StudioHave you ever wondered what possesses people to go on TV programs like Maury, Steve Wilkos, and The Jerry Springer Show, and make jackasses of themselves? Those shows are difficult to watch, which is why I usually don’t, but who hasn’t heard about them?

When I was twenty-something, I, like a lot of people in that age group — then and now — wanted to be on television. Being in the right place at the right time, and carrying myself in the ladylike manner my mother taught me, opened doors for me to a few appearances on the small screen. Hold up a moment — I KNOW you’ve never heard of me. I didn’t say I achieved stardom, I said I made appearances. Now, if you are one of those who climbed on your high horse before I finished explaining, climb down as I continue.

My first TV appearance was in 1973. I was working at the Pentagon, as a civilian telephone operator for the Department of the Army, and my supervisor selected me and a couple of other operators to represent our department on a telethon. Participants were told to avoid wearing certain colors (as I recall those were black, white and red), apparently the camera dislikes those colors. I complied and wore my favorite loud green pantsuit to make sure that my family and friends could see me among the numerous other volunteers from different agencies. They saw me. I think everybody in the home viewing audience  spotted me. Maybe loud green should have been included in the list of colors to avoid wearing.

My next TV appearance was in 1983. I actually got to speak. My two children and I were featured on a program called Saturday Magazine, broadcast weekly on CBS. The show profiled two single parent families in the area; my family and another divorced mother and her children. Not only were both our families followed and filmed for a few hours (sort of like an abridged version of a reality TV show), we were also summoned to sit in the live studio audience when the segment aired. My copy of that taped program will be passed down to my children’s children as a keepsake relevant to our family history.

Speaking of live audiences, my sister-in-law, Barbara, and I were in the audience of Oprah‘s show, on November 9, 1987, when the talk show queen taped a program about the Challenger Shuttle disaster.

Aside from those occasions, I’ve been stopped and interviewed periodically by reporters on the street, about whatever newsworthy event they are covering. I do my best to speak intelligently, especially when there is a camera in my face, unlike some of the folks on tabloid TV who I don’t think put forth any effort or they just don’t know better. Is it obvious to anyone else that these shows target a certain demographic?

That brings me back to my question:  What possesses people to go on tabloid talk shows and make fools of themselves? Saturday Night Live’s former Church Lady would probably say, “Satan.”  But seriously, what?

Unlike celebrities who are usually paid guests on conventional talk programs, regular people – including the bozos and bozetts who appear on tabloid talk shows – do not get paid. The program pays their airfare and hotel expenses. That’s it. So, what reasons, aside from attention-starvation or a narcissistic personality disorder, would make tabloid junkies go on these outrageous shows and act up? You tell me. Click the comment box below and add your two cents to mine.

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Sowing the Wind

Man-And-Woman-Are-Partners-37854079Some men father so many out-of-wedlock children by different women that they need a scorecard to keep up with all their baby mamas. The trend has become so prevalent that sociologists are calling the hit-it-and-run baby makers serial fathers. And they are not all athletes and entertainers. Many are minimum wage earners like the 33 year old Nashville, Tennessee man  who fathered 22 children by 14 women. Then, following his child support hearing, boasted that he has signed a deal for a reality TV show.

Wait a minute. Before men who are reading this start shouting, “Male bashing!” press the pause button while I put on my equal opportunity cap, and I’ll share information about us women.

A controversial study by Cassandra Dorius, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, reveals that “overall, 28% of women with two or more children had children by different men.” Not likely mentioned in the study is the Florida single mom with 15 children who, while on TV a few months ago after being evicted, naively asked, “Who’s gonna take care of all these kids?”

There is no parallel in these situations, and I am not judging. What I am doing is thinking — out loud and publicly — about how nontraditional relationships between people who are not related are sometimes resulting in nontraditional unions between relatives who are the offspring of those relationships. Follow me? If not, don’t worry, you’ll catch up.

The sexual revolution that began in the 1960’s irrefutably increased the acceptance of sex outside of marriage. Since then, intercourse for procreation has become secondary to sex for recreation, and in some cases children are often the unplanned result of those liaisons.

Having biological children with more than one partner is now as common as apps on Smartphones. Do you ever wonder about the potential consequences of so many blood relatives scattered all over?  Ever contemplate the probability of kinfolk unknowingly marrying each other? It happens.

It happened to Valerie Spruill who married her own father. The mother of three only learned the truth from a DNA test, six years after her husband died.

It happened to twins who were separated at birth, adopted by different parents, and only after they met as adults and married each other did they become aware of their blood relationship.

The whole issue of baby making –scattering seeds — is complicated, even for sperm donors. For all the good it does, sperm donor donations can subsequently wreck havoc on the lives of the children it produces and the donors themselves. Ask the man who unsuspectingly married his sister – if you can find him. He refuses to disclose his identity.

Or ask the sperm donor who produced a now four year old daughter for a lesbian couple and even after waiving his parental rights was still ordered to pay child support for his “good deed.”

There is a happy ending – or some might say beginning — for two Tulane University friends, both of whom have sperm donor fathers. They met in college and learned that they are actually half sisters.

You can bet your binky that there is a study underway somewhere to determine how often marriages occurred between siblings who didn’t know that they were related, whether they were conceived in the traditional way or through in vitro fertilization.  On the other hand, you will find people arguing against impropriety in relatives marrying, based on the premise that the world was populated through incest via Adam and Eve and their descendants, thereby making us all blood relatives. But that is a live wire and I’m leaving it alone.

Some people consider IVF as interference with God’s natural order and as sinful as fornication. Others argue that God has no problem with the former. One day, I thoughtlessly asked an atheist friend her thoughts on the issue and got an answer typical of her, “God who?”

I often wonder what will be the long term results of this seed scattering phenomenon. One thing is certain, everything we do is a cause set in motion and no matter how small the act may seem it will ultimately have an effect on everyone involved.

 

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Putting a Lighthearted Spin on One-upmanship

bigstock-funny-cartoon-zombie-42450889Do you hate people who are always trying to one-up you? If you are like me, you know a one-upper when you see one. The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes one-upmanship as “the art or practice of outdoing or keeping one jump ahead of a friend or competitor.” The way I see it, one-upping is simply a form of gamesmanship, although it is sometimes viewed by people who dislike it as creative intimidation.

Most of us know at least one one-upper; that outspoken relative or friend who, no matter what the subject, they know more about it than anyone else. I think many people, including you and I engage in one-upping at one time or another. Wink. Wink.

One-upping is probably as close to a verbal knock-out game as you can get. Here’s how it’s played. Let’s say that you tell a friend, “I had a terrible day.” She immediately chimes in with “No, my day was waaay worse than yours,” and then she rambles on and on about why she had the day from hell. By the time her rant is over, you forget why your day was so bad.

Here’s another example. Imagine that you are overhearing a conversation between two men. One guy tells the other, “I recently visited Mt. Kilimanjaro.” Before he can finish his sentence, the other guy one-ups him by saying, “Man, I not only visited Mt. Kilimanjaro, I climbed it — in bare feet.” Yes, some one-uppers, determined not to be outdone, sometimes embellish their tale ridiculously.

Some one-uppers like an audience. And speaking of ridiculous, let me tell you an unbelievable, but true story. Many years ago, some friends and I attended a program that featured a fire sword swallower. The performer, after amazing us with his finesse at swallowing a flaming sword, asked a volunteer from the audience to come on stage and duplicate the act. This was years before government safety regulations would have prevented an untrained and naïve audience member from participating in such a dangerous stunt. One of our wacky friends, who thrived on one-upping and trying to be impressive, volunteered. As he walked up on the stage, I felt compelled to cover my eyes with my hands; instead I just crossed my arms, confident that he would come to his senses and return to his seat. Wrong! As he attempted and failed to swallow the fiery sword, he suffered burns which days later became blisters on his lips and inside of his mouth. Fortunately, not every one-upper goes to the extremes as my young and dumb, fried lip friend did.

We live in a competitive world and one-upping is just one more silly game that people play. Self-confident people are not unsettled by one-uppers, nor do they view it as a put-down. Consider this excellent quote on the subject by Nev Sagiba, “Wisdom is not found in words but in the trail a person leaves in life….”

If you feel that someone is one-upping you there are a few things you can do. Immediately, come back with a mine is bigger than yours story; ignore the statement; or bid your time — your turn will come. And while you are waiting for your opportunity, boost your confidence by humming a little tune like this one from the musical Annie Get Your Gun, “Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you.”

Now one-up that!

 

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To Hug or Not to Hug

schoolgirl--51689332When I was a child, a hug from my teacher was comforting and encouraging. Giving a hug to a favorite teacher showed my appreciation. But today conscientious teachers are afraid to touch or be touched by students. What’s more, a student displaying physical affection toward a teacher or another student could face suspension.

Such was the case on December 3, when Sam McNair, a 17-year-old high school senior in Duluth, Georgia, was suspended for sexual harassment because he hugged his teacher. A week earlier, six year old first grader, Hunter Yelton, was suspended from a Colorado school for kissing his female classmate on the hand. Following a wave of negative publicity, the Colorado school system lifted the suspension. People tend to regard the action of the six year old as innocent and impulsive, but some are less forgiving of the high school senior.

I queried a few teachers on the subject and have summarized their views below. To protect their privacy, I’ve used bullets instead of names to represent each teacher’s remarks. Here is what they had to say.

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Bidding on the Price of Life

Life lines“No money. No cell phone. No technology.” Those were the words that a survivor in the Philippines said to a TV news reporter in the aftermath of Typhoon Haiyan. According to one report 600,000 people lost everything in that storm. The distressed woman’s words bothered me, because  she only mentioned the loss of material things. My first thought was — at least you are alive, which is easy to say when the bad thing is happening to someone else. Then I asked myself this question. “When all you have is life — is it enough?”

Many of us have never lived through the unimaginable horrors of a typhoon, a Tsunami, or a Hurricane Katrina, but we may know someone who did. Perhaps we know a soldier who returned from war after losing one or more limbs, or maybe we have a relative or close friend who suffered an incapacitating stroke, was paralyzed in a car accident, or is enduring terminal cancer. Any of those things can change a person’s perspective on life.

More than a few people have told me that if they ever become physically incapacitated to the point that they are completely reliant upon a caregiver to do everything from feed and bath them to assist with their toileting needs – or if they are hospitalized and on a life support machine — they’d rather be dead. “I want someone to pull the switch. I do not want to live like that,” they say. I’ve even read stories about people who are so determined not to let declining mental or physical health diminish their quality of life that they have their body tattooed with the letters DNR —Do Not Resuscitate.

Life is an indeterminable roller coaster of hills and valleys. Sometimes we cruise peacefully for days, months, or years on an unobstructed theoretical highway, then without warning a sharp curve appears. It is often those blind siding crises that force us to confront our own mortality and realize that while we are here one moment we could suddenly be gone the next.

A Connecticut woman, Madonna Badger, contemplated suicide and was briefly committed to a psychiatric hospital after losing all three of her children and her parents in a Christmas Day fire in 2011. With the help and support of loving friends she managed to pull herself back from the brink of despair.

Janet Adkins, a 54 year old woman who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 1989, apparently, feeling that she had nothing left to live for, became the first public suicide of Jack Kevorkian, nicknamed Dr. Death, a pathologist who believed in and practiced physician-assisted suicide.

One woman fought back, another surrendered, and a Philippine typhoon victim threw up her hands in a gesture of hopelessness as if to say, “What’s left to live for?”

Have you ever felt like you are trapped in a financial rut, living pay-check-to-paycheck, and struggling to survive? That is a common problem for many people. If you are an optimist you believe that in time – and with a bit of luck – you will dig yourself out of the rut. But what if one day your life changes drastically – you succumb to a sudden illness and can no longer work. Or your home is destroyed by a fire or a tornado. Could you handle it?

Sometimes we don’t know how much we truly appreciate something until it has been taken away from us. While you are sitting there at your computer in your cozy home or at your workplace, and feeling comfortable in the fact that you can put food on the table, go shopping for new clothes whenever you feel like it, and perhaps you have a wonderful spouse and children, imagine that suddenly it is all gone.  Consider your current age, your income – consider everything that today – at this moment – makes you feel secure. Then imagine that you not only lose all of your worldly possessions, but you lose your entire family too. Be honest with yourself, do you think that you would be strong enough to recover or would you simply decide that there is nothing left to live for? That brings me full circle to the thought provoking question:  When all you have is life, is it enough?”

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